Joel VandenBrink

I've relocated...

2005-10-01T14:17:00.000-07:00

Yup, that's right, I got sick of the limitations of Blogger and switched to Wordpress (apparently a common thing to do).

My new blog is now located here

This means that I will no longer be posting here...

peace
joel

p.s. if you happen yo know the code to redirect this site to my new one it would be appreciated, everything i know doesn't work...

History of Christianity Paper

2005-09-29T12:31:00.000-07:00

I recently took a History of Christianity class, taught by Craig Barnes. This class was taught extremely well and got new thoughts in my head. One of the assignments was a lengthy research paper. For my topic I chose to examine pre-Constantine and post-Constantine ecclesiologies through the lens of Missiology and then applied these two differing ecclesiologies to two ends of a pendulum and examined how they can potentially inform the current disparity between the 'Mega-Church' and the 'Emergent Church.'

Give it a read, hopefully you find it fairly accessible, and worth the 15 minutes it will take to read it.

Click Here to download the file.

peace
joel

No Homosexuals Allowed

2005-09-28T23:27:00.000-07:00

As of this week, in a formal document released by Pope Benedict XVI, no homosexuals (or persons with homosexual tendencies) are allowed into Catholic Seminary -- even if they are celibate.
Go here to read an article on it.

This is obviously a loaded and heavily political topic right now -- there probably isn't a single person in any Christian circle that doesn't have an opinion. Or, at least been told what to believe.

My only question is this, where will the homosexuals go that want to serve God, and feel a call to ministry? They won't disappear, that is for sure. Dogma's never allow a person to change, they only bring more guilt and more shame.

peace
joel

Go where?

2005-09-27T12:22:00.000-07:00

The Bible tells us that the Israelites walked around, literally circled a desert for 40 years. This desert was the 'land between.' None of them knew where they were going, but they had a promise, a promise that kept them wandering. This promise (I will take you to a land flowing with milk and honey) simutaneously irritated them and enticed them. How did they hold hope for so long?

Life often feels like the land between. No place ever feels like home and we are constantly on some journey. We never arrive home. There is no home -- there are only moments that feel like something we want to call home. Moments were the surreal is real. Moments where earthly suffering feels distant. Moments where we feel something whisper in our heart. But these moments pass. The sun sets, a new day begins, and we are forced, knowingly or not, to ask the question, "Where to Spirit?" For it seems that the moments where we feel at home pass and the Spirit is yearning us to the future, pulling is in the direction of hope

My prayer for today is that I will feel this hope as I sit in the land between.

blessings,
joel

On Holiday...

2005-09-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

In a couple hours Brooke and I leave for a 25 mile loop trail hike in the Olympic National Forest. We are going to start at the Sol Duc Hot Springs and then continue in a counter clock-wise loop to Deer Lake, Lunch Lake, Heart Lake, and then follow a ridge back to base camp. We are in no rush to do this hike, as we have three full days, and plan to allow ourselves to be distracted by that which distracts us.

So my blog will be silent until sometime Monday. Blessings to you all.

peace
Joel

International Day of Peace 2005 -- Tomorrow

2005-09-20T08:28:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, September 21, 2005, is the International Day of Peace. Kofi Annan, the Secretary General of the United Nations has called for a 24 hour cease fire in all nations. In addition, he has asked that we each take a minute of silence at noon local time.

Below is a little snippet of the 2 minute speech her delivered.

" Twenty-four hours is not a long time. But it is time enough for combatants and political leaders to consider the destruction they are visiting on their people, and on their lands. And it is long enough to look over the barricades, or through the barbed wire, to see if there is another path." -- Kofi Annan

To watch the entire video go here.

peace
joel

Schism and Relationship...

2005-09-19T21:46:00.000-07:00

A story

The room is dark, not completely dark, just dark enough to set a reflective mood. Circular tables are set-up with typical banquet style chairs, the ones that hurt after about 60 minutes of constant sitting. A large stage is 50 feet in front of me and on stage is a cardboard sign that says 'The Road Ahead.' To my left is an old mobile home with lawn chairs set on top with a few brave souls sitting in them. Music blasts. Screens Flash. And people of all shapes, sizes, and ages file in. The faces of these people tell it all.

A male in his 20's has a look on his face as though he just got kissed for the first time by the girl he has been pursuing for years. A woman probably in her 50's sits at a table reading anything that is set in front of her, desperately trying to figure out what she got herself into. A dad and his 15 year old son walk by me and I hear the son say to his dad, "Dad, this is awesome, this is what I was trying to tell you about." The dad doesn't respond, instead he walks bewildered to a table and sits down. A few moments later an attractive looking male with a crew cut walks by holding the hand of a woman, presumably his girlfriend/fiancee/wife. He leans over to her and says, "This is ridiculous, this looks like a freak show." She smiles back and they decide to turn around and leave.

My people watching ends and I am drawn to the large cardboard sign on the stage "The Road Ahead." I can't get this line out of my head, yet something inside me freaks out. I ask myself the question, "is this really the road ahead?

I leave as well, not out of annoyance but more for curiosity. You see, upstairs there are 1500 pastors. 1500 PASTORS! This room, with these 1500 pastors, is set-up entirely different. The foam padded chairs are in perfectly straight rows with aisles. There are stage lights and one screen showing what is coming up next. Most of these pastors are wearing button downs with khakis and carrying briefcases or leather binders. I look around and see similar faces to the ones I saw in the basement. Some look scared, others looked annoyed, and still others engulfed with the moment.

The seminar ends and the elevator is the next main attraction. As I wait in line a pastor notices my name badge, which is different than his. He says in a cynical tone, "ahh, you are with the young lads in the basement huh?" I respond gracefully, completely ignoring his comment, "Hi, my name's Joel and I'm from Mars Hill Graduate School in Seattle Washington. I see that you are from North Carolina." He responds, "yup, I am I pastor a church over there that is growing by leaps and bounds so they sent me hear to get re-energized." "How gracious of them." I say, as the conversation comes to a close. I wonder what this pastor was thinking of me? Was he even aware that I love the same Church he does? Or was he simply labeling me as "the other." One that is unlike him and that difference, quite possibly, scared him.

This is the day that we live in -- a divided day, a tense day, and a very mysterious day These snapshots are the church culture in America in the year 2005. People are confused by what to do. It appears as though the modern church is dying and the fact that we live in a post-Christian America has sent the Church into some sort of tailspin. We are fighting the wrong fights, we are clinching at cornerstones that aren't really cornerstones (the pseudo-cornerstones of Christendom) – and in all of it we are still missing the reality that people are hurting. Even the people that claim to have it figured out are hurting, desperately. We live in a culture that is divided and lonely. Our modern technological devices of cell phones, text messaging, camera phones, and instant messaging have caused a schism in relationship that has resulted in people becoming a "screen name" a "handle" or worse -- objects that are objectified. The "I --It" reality is large. Dr. Phil, the man with all the answers, is releasing a book every month on how to live life. This is scary, and more importantly it speaks to where people are at. People want to be connected, people want to have a better life. And what is the Church offering? Now don't get me wrong, there are churches out there that are doing amazing things to advance the revolution that Jesus started 2000 years ago, but collectively the Church is falling behind.

We, the Church, are the hope of the world.

peace
joel

The leaves are changing colors...

2005-09-17T14:53:00.000-07:00

and that means it's football season. In good sports fan fashion I believe that this year is going to be a .500 year for the Lions. After all, they are the only undefeated team in the NFC North, as of this very moment they have a perfect season.

Since moving to Seattle I have caught probably less than five Lions games on TV -- but that is all about to change. Tom Ryan, and avid Vikings fan as well as a friend of mine, has DirectTV with the NFL football package. This means that every sunday morning at 10 a.m. I will be sitting in front of his TV, while he eats the food I brought over as my fare for using his couch.

Thank goodness for the small things...like football, satellite TV, and salt and vinegar chips.

peace
joel

Chemistry and Transformation

2005-09-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

My wife, the beautiful Brooke VandenBrink, is a Ph.D student in Medicinal Chemistry at the University of Washington. This past spring her first year drew to a close, upon completion it is tradition, and required, that each student picks who their advisor is going to be for their tenure in the program. Brooke had gone through three rotations and choose the individual that she thought would be the most able to grow her into the chemist she wants to be -- but alas, someone else had picked this individual and she was told that there was no more room in his lab. Option 2, Plan 2, the back-up -- she didn't have one. After much thought, consideration, prayer, and conversation she decided to join the lab of another individual. This individual had two students in his lab, both male and both had been there for quite a while -- eight years to be exact. Brooke immediately connected with this professor and there were days where they would spend a couple hours in conversation -- ranging from chemistry, to where her and I were going hiking, to her career plans, to her approach to chemistry. These conversations would engage them both, and both would walk away from them knowing new thoughts.

Today marks the end of a rotation (a trial period for a semester) of a new student. This student, Kelse, has been working with Brooke and this professor in lab for the summer and is now set to rotate into another lab.

Yesterday, This professor left lab meeting early to make it to the start of his eight year old daughters soccer game. Today, he is taking his entire lab out to lunch to honor Kelse on her last day. Tomorrow, he and his wife are hosting a BBQ for the students and their families that are in his lab. This is where this story turns from narrating the facts, to a beautiful transforming moment. This professor, in at least the last eight years, has never taken students out to lunch. This professor, in at least eight years, has never had students over to his house for a BBQ. This professor, in the three years of his daughter playing soccer, has never made it to every game -- except for this year.

What does it mean to love those around you well? I believe that this story, and my wife, give us a glimmer of what this may mean.

Blessing. Glory. Honor.
joel

Life at School

2005-09-07T22:06:00.000-07:00

This week 92 new students arrived through the doors of Mars Hill Graduate School. These new faces and this new hopes are a relief. It was fun to chat with many of them today and find out how things are going, what brought them out to Seattle and how has the transition been. These students fan something in me that I too quickly forget -- that God is working for the good of the world. I often find myself so deeply entrenched in the world I live in that I forget that I'm swimming in water until someone who is in a different bowl says, "hey, your water looks different than mine." So thank you incoming students at Mars Hill -- your presence is a blessing.

joel

A good week...

2005-08-14T15:57:00.000-07:00

Well it has been a while since I sat down on my computer to type. Well, that is sort of a lie. It is nearing the end of the semester and so my fingers have been working, but it just hasn't been in a blog form -- it has been in the form of papers about the Church, Worship, Postmodern Philosophy, and Hebrew.

But last week was an exceptional week. I started the week out right -- by performing a marriage ceremony for two of my friends, now called Rachel and Michael Wilhoit. My good friend Tim and I performed a wedding ceremony that was quite unique. We had most of the 'important' parts in the ceremony but the entire thing was done in a narrative form -- i.e. we told a story for the entire ceremony. The story had four characters, of course Michael and Rachel, but also David and Jacob. We paralleled Michael's journey with the passage in Genesis 32 and we paralleled Rachel's journey with that of David in Psalm 77. It was a beautiful and moving time for both Tim and I as well as those we talked to (luckily we didn't have anybody tell us it stunk).

Then Monday night my friend Tom Ryan had received 18th row tickets behind home plate for the Mariners game. I don't think I have ever watched a baseball game that up close before, and to top it off the Mariners actually won 5-4.

Tuesday Brooke and I celebrated our second anniversary. This was not only a day that we were cared for by friends and family but truly a day of celebration and remembrance. The funny part is that on our first anniversary I gave Brooke a gift certificate to a spa room and she gave me a gift certificate to get my first flight lesson -- but a year later neither of us had used them -- so we decided we would use our first anniversary presents on our second anniversary (kind of a cool idea in hindsight -- maybe I should start claiming we did it on purpose). For dinner we got treated (thanks _______ (you know who you are)) to a place called Andaluca and were welcomed with a glass of champagne to toast to. The dinner was incredible, three complete courses and 2.5 hours later we decided it was time to call the valet parker, get our car and head over to the spa. The day ended with the two of us sitting in our private spa room and talking about how we want to challenge each other to grow in our next year of marriage. All in all a fabulous day.

Wednesday and Thursday were just normal days, I worked, Brooke worked...

Friday night came around and we had a party to go to. Our slow pitch softball team ended up with three wins and eight losses so we had plenty to celebrate. We went over to a house in the hills of Bellevue and watched the sunset over the city and over the olympics -- amazing view. The manager, Brendan Stamper, went way out of his way and gave us each a personal thanks (via a speech) and got us each trophies and a team picture. I don't remember the last time I got a personal trophy, so it was quite a treat.

Then saturday I had planned to write papers all day, but as soon as I sat down to type my phone rang. "Hey Joel, I've got two tickets for the Mariners game this afternoon I can't use, you want them?" "Uhh, Uhh, sure" "Alright, I'll leave them at my house, we are heading over to the Gorge to see the Jack Johnson show, I'll see you tomorrow" The game was a blowout, but it was the first Mariner game that Brooke and I had been to just as the two of us.

Then, today, I went and attended Green Lake Presbyterian and listened to my distant, distant cousin deliver a sermon. And then met his wife and son.

but now, as I prepare myself for the week I am keenly aware that out of the next 10 business days I have class for 9 of them -- straight from 9-5.

Blessings on your week everyone.

joel

It's been a year?

2005-08-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

"Hey Brooke, where did you pack my tool box?"

As I gazed around the mess of boxes and loose items I couldn't help but think about what I had just gotten myself into. Two days prior Brooke and I had spent almost two hours signing documents -- most of which we didn't understand. Luckily we trusted the ESCROW company as well as our mortgage lenders, so we didn't feel as though we would be signing anything that we shouldn't. It amazed me that I had officially been through the process of buying a house and I still didn't understand anymore than when we started to process almost three months prior.

"I don't know honey, didn't you pack it?"

Brooke was busy in our drastically outdated kitchen trying to figure out where to put all of our kitchen supplies. The condo we bought was built in 1949 and the kitchen was the original. Complete with steel cabinets, yellow tile and a white porcelain sink. Everynow and then Brooke would sigh as if to say, "this kitchen is too small." We would soon fix that problem -- the kitchen would be completely replaced with a brand new kitchen compliments of Ikea.

"No, I think you packed it. I don't remember loading it in the truck."

The windows, just like the kitchen, were the originals. Single paned, aluminum framed, with half the locking mechanisms broken. The first weekend we lived in the house we had a welcoming party over and lit a bunch of tealights on the window sill. About two hours later we heard a 'crack, crack, snap' and looked over just in time to see the eight foot piece of glass crack from bottom to top. I ran over, blew the candles out and could only help but smirk. We had only lived in the house for two days and we managed to break a glass window that had stood for 50+ years. But luckily, we had planned on replacing the windows anyway.

"Have you even tried looking for it?"

The day was hot, extremely hot, and our new condo is a mile from Lake Washington -- particularly one of the few public beaches with a high dive at it. The time came to be about 3:00 and we wanted to take a break from unpacking. So Brooke and I, along with our friends that helped us move headed over to the beach and took a swim. It was the first time I had gone swimming since moving to Washington -- it certainly felt good to submerge myself in water.

"No, I thought that maybe you knew where it was. Why would I look when I could just ask you a question"

Now, a year later the kitchen is remodeled, the windows have been replaced, the bedroom has been repainted, and soon (as in next weekend, hopefully) the kitchen floor will be replaced. The condo we bought certainly feels like a home. We know all the cool places within walking distance and utilize the Burke-Gilman trail. When I come home from a day at school/work I know that I will be welcomed into a space that Brooke and I created together. A space that I can leave my socks on the living room floor, a space that I can walk down the steps and pick a rose to give to Brooke, a space that I know where every screw/nail is in the kitchen. A space where we continually invite God to inhabit.

Here's to the next year at 4808 Terrace Dr NE. Hear Hear!

joel

Fuel for the Soul...

2005-07-26T17:23:00.000-07:00

If any of you church leaders out there are feeling discouraged read this....it is compliments of Third Day Churches
______________________________________________

On several occasions, history has provided the needed critical mass and the synergistic inertia to thrust the church into breaking out of its’ box and becoming the force in culture and society that God intended it to be. Today, the church, at the dawning of the 21st Century, has once again reached this "critical mass." It is something so big and so obvious that the winds of change demand we look hard at our forms and face the reality that a different church must provide a different response to a postmodern age. And it is something so simple, that it is like presenting the Gospel message on a restaurant napkin. This Third Millennium ("a day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as a day," 2 Peter 3:8; Psalm 90:4), or this "Third Day" requires a "Third Way" of doing and being the church.

Christian Schwartz, a German church-growth researcher suggests that we are in the era of a third Reformation. The first Reformation took place in the sixteenth century when Martin Luther rediscovered the core of the gospel: salvation by faith, the centrality of grace and of Scripture. It was seen as a reformation of theology. The second Reformation occurred in the eighteenth century when personal intimacy with Christ was rediscovered. It was, according to Schwartz, a reformation of spirituality. But when it was all said and done, we were still trying to pour new wine into old wineskins. The third Reformation is now upon us. It is a reformation of structure of how we actually "do" church.

For too many years, our forms, structures and traditions have led the way, with those forms remaining painfully predictable from generation to generation, ever diminishing in their effectiveness. It is now time for change! The forms of the "first day church" must be reevaluated, and those lifeless programs and traditions of men be allowed to die in the "second day church" so that the resurrected "third day church" can be expressed and enjoyed.

It now appears that there exists a growing fraternity of churches, leaders, and ministries who are ready to obey the wind of the Spirit. They are ready to inhale the wind of change and welcome an experimentation of radical, new, and creative ways of "doing" and "being" the church in the third millennium.

Remember "...on the third day, anything can happen."

Mount Adams...abridged version

2005-07-25T16:34:00.000-07:00

So it surprises me that I didn't get an emails asking me if I was still alive. But, alas, as I type these words I am fully alive and look forward to watching the Tigers play the Mariners tonight. Now onto the real fun...

Tim Soerens, Josh Epperson, Brooke, and Myself left our parking lot at 10:30 am last sunday morning for the adventure that we had been planning for at least 10 months. After driving for 4 hours we found ourselves in the little town of Trout Lake along with an old man drinking a PBR on a porch and a small cafe that served us some great sandwiches to fill our stomaches before we headed for the parking lot at 5400 ft. Eight miles of dirt road later we hopped out of our car and slabbed on the sun tan lotion before hitting the trail for base camp at 9000 feet. The beginning mile or two was through forest before we made it above the timberline and into the pumice fields. Base Camp, also known as Lunch Counter, is located between two glaciers on a flat spot right at the base of the false summit. We arrived at Lunch Counter at 8:30 and set-up camp. It was here that I started to feel dizzy and light headed -- sure signs of altitude sickness. I tried to eat dinner but the smell of it made me feel even more sick, so after receiving the blessing of the team to go to bed I slid into my sleeping bag and attempted to fall asleep. Forty-Five minutes later I called Brooke over and we contemplated heading back down the mountain (as that is the only way to alleviate the altitude sickness). Josh came over and convinced me that I hadn't entered stage two altitude sickness and that it would be ok. Sure enough, I woke up in the morning and felt about 90% better -- just good enough to attempt to summit.

All four of us put on our cramp-ons and started the 3200 foot ascent to the summit. The short of the long is that 4 hours later we were at the top and could see every major peak in both Washington State and Oregon State -- as well as Mount Shasta.

After taking in the scenery we glissaded down and backed up base camp and headed down the rest of the mountain to the parking lot. All in all it took us 8.5 hours to get up the mountain and 3 to get down.

On the way out we stopped and got shakes at the same cafe that we filled our stomaches with on the way in.

It was a great trip -- and the start of a very good thing.

peace
joel

Mount Adams...

2005-07-16T19:57:00.000-07:00

Brooke, myself, Tim Soerens, and Josh Epperson leave early tomorrow morning to summit Mount Adams (12,300 feet). It will be our first experience with crampons and ice axes. Besh wishes would be enjoyed, but prayers for safety would be even better.

We are camping at 9,000 feet sunday night and summitting the mountain early monday morning and then coming all the way back down.

Soul breathe deep the mountain air
Heart leap at the sight of glaciers
Mind focus on what matters
Strength carry me up the mountain

-jv

p.s. Mount Adams is the mountain at the top of my page...

Life Befits...

2005-07-13T09:05:00.000-07:00

Steal my heart and hold my tongue

I feel my time, my time has come

Let me in, unlock the door

I've never felt this way before

And the wheels just keep on turning

The drummer begins to drum

I don't know which way I'm going

I don't know which way I've come

Hold my head inside your hands

I need someone who understands

I need someone, someone who hears

For you, I've waited all these years

For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come

Until my day, my day is done

And say you'll come and set me free

Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood

In your fire and in your flood

I hear you laugh, I heard you sing

I wouldn't change a single thing

And the wheels just keep on turning

The drummers begin to drum

I don't know which way I'm going

I don't know what I've become

For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come

Until my days, my days are done

And say you'll come and set me free

Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

-Johnny Cash

(as sung by Coldplay on the album X and Y)

Class this week...

2005-07-11T15:29:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a class this week from Brian McLaren. I look forward to blogging about what I'm learning.

peace
joel

Little did I know...

2005-07-07T11:32:00.000-07:00

I met this morning with a distant cousin of mine (I think like a fifth of sixth cousin), Kevin VandenBrink. We, somehow, miracously, got connected through a friend of mine who interviewed Kevin for a project for a class at Mars Hill Graduate School. Kevin is an associate pastor at Green Lake Presbyterian Church and does a lot of work with both local missions and global missions. One of his current projects and passions is working with other churches in the Green Lake neighborhood to reach the Aurora corridor (for you non-Seattle people Aurora is where prostitution and drug use is a way of life). This is a very noble cause, and could have grand implications for Seattle as a city. In September he is going to Africa for three weeks with 18 people from Green Lake Presbyterian -- they will be working with orphans of AIDs.

During our conversation, at Zoka, we saw a car with Michigan plates, a woman wearing a 'Calvin Nursing' shirt and realized that Kevin has met my sister and went to the seminary that my sister's husband's Dad (Phil Douglass) teaches at, Covenant Seminary in Saint Louis. Kevin also has a brother, Brian VandenBrink, that I met, by sheer coincidence, on my last trip to Michigan, who is also planting a church in West Michigan. What a crazy morning for random connections. God certainly has indirect routes of connecting people.

I left the conversation feeling re-energized, for one reason or another. It was good to connect with a pastor, and it was also good to connect with a fellow dutchman -- we are few and far between out here in Seattle.

Thank Kevin for shooting me the initial email -- I look forward to many meetings, and many connections yet to come.

Grace and Peace Brother
joel

land of the free...

2005-07-04T22:23:00.000-07:00

happy freedom day...may we all realize how free we are, and how free we aren't.

i created a post yesterday, that was rather cynical and pessimistic...it has sence been erased. happy trails post...but my question i was trying to answer i still want answered.

what are we celebrating today?

please help me out

thanks
joel

worship...

2005-06-28T22:06:00.000-07:00

there is life to live.
there is life to live out there.
there is life to live in here.

there is death to die.
there is death to die out there.
there is death to die in here.

show me where to live.
show me where to die.

so that I may die to live.
so that I may live to die.

-joel

Summer Solstice

2005-06-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

Today is the longest day of the year, or at least the sun is in the sky the longest. There are many traditions that have developed over the years in regards to the Summer Solstice. Many of them religious, and others more cultural. Below is one that I found quite interesting. (compliments of religioustolerance.org). If you are interested in researcing more about Summer Solstice go here.

In pre-historic times, summer was a joyous time of the year for those Aboriginal people who lived in the northern latitudes. The snow had disappeared; the ground had thawed out; warm temperatures had returned; flowers were blooming; leaves had returned to the deciduous trees. Some herbs could be harvested, for medicinal and other uses. Food was easier to find. The crops had already been planted and would be harvested in the months to come. Although many months of warm/hot weather remained before the fall, they noticed that the days were beginning to shorten, so that the return of the cold season was inevitable.

The first (or only) full moon in June is called the Honey Moon. Tradition holds that this is the best time to harvest honey from the hives.

This time of year, between the planting and harvesting of the crops, was the traditional month for weddings. This is because many ancient peoples believed that the "grand [sexual] union" of the Goddess and God occurred in early May at Beltaine. Since it was unlucky to compete with the deities, many couples delayed their weddings until June. June remains a favorite month for marriage today. In some traditions, "newly wed couples were fed dishes and beverages that featured honey for the first month of their married life to encourage love and fertility. The surviving vestige of this tradition lives on in the name given to the holiday immediately after the ceremony: The Honeymoon."

peace
joel

A Father's Day Poem

2005-06-19T16:12:00.000-07:00

On this Father's Day in the year 2005 may my father remember what it felt like to take me home from the hospital.

On this Father's Day in the year 2005 may my father remember what it felt like when I tried his boots on as a little boy.

On this Father's Day in the year 2005 may my father remember what it felt like for me to follow behind him with my bubble mower.

On this Father's Day in the year 2005 may my father remember what it felt like for me to help him build our house.

On this Father's Day in the year 2005 may my father know that the many hours that he put into my sports 'career' were worth it.

On this Father's Day in the year 2005 may my father remember how grateful I was when he took a half day off of work to change a flat tire on my car so I could go on a date.

On this Father's Day in the year 2005 may my father remember what it felt like to help his son and daughter-in-law pack a truck to move across the country.

On this Father's Day in the year 2005 may my father know that his many, spoken and unspoken sacrifices, have been worth it.

On this Father's Day in the year 2005 may my heavenly father shine down his face on my earthly father and smile.

Thanks Dad.

Joel Wesley.

rumor has it

2005-06-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

that there is a blog posting coming soon...

hopefully this weekend i'll have a chance to engage with my blog

joel

A birthday song for my bride...

2005-06-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

So we in sleep in bed
We never make
Holding close to love
Love should fade
Holding on to this is the best thing we'll ever do

Morning sun is sweet and soft on your eyes
Oh my love, you always leave me surprised
Before my heart starts to burst
With all my love for you

I know how it rains
I know how it pours
I never could feel this way
For anyone but you

I know how it rains
I know how it pours
I never could feel this way
For anyone but you

So it takes some time
And slip away
Holding on to love
Love should stay
Holding on to you is the best thing I'll ever do

Evening sun is sweet and soft in your face
I never ever leave this place
I feel my heart starts to burst
With all my love for you

I know how it rains
I know how it pours
I never could feel this way
For anyone but you
-Moby

A post of a different variety...

2005-06-04T17:38:00.000-07:00

It has been a well known fact (but kept rather secretly) that my family has good genes, in many senses, but in this particular context I am talking about 'looks.' Or, what some would call 'hotness.'

In high school some of my friends would want to come over to my house but only if my sister was going to be there. Now, almost 10 years later there is a similar phenomenon occurring in the VandenBrink household. Tad, my (almost) 19 year old brother is, and I quote "hot as heck." To see my source go here. And Jay, well Jay has something going for him as well, I fully expect to see a page like this in a couple years, if it doesn't exist already.

Nice work Dutch and German genes. I wonder what will happen when they mix with Norwegian genes?

peace,
joel

Sweet, sweet reunion...

2005-06-01T18:49:00.000-07:00

It was a dreary Tuesday morning in Seattle. The gray clouds were swirling over head and the sky was leaking. After hitting snooze a couple times I rolled out of bed, nearly missing Willis' nose that was peaking out from under the bed. He let out a big sigh and I replied with a "I know bud, but mommy comes home today." I hopped in the shower while Willis fell back asleep.

While eating my granola and sipping on coffee I prayed over the day and all that would occur. "God, I am your humble servant and as I re-enter the work field today may I do your work and not mine. May I love others, including their differences. And may I be happily re-united with Brooke tonight. Please guide her plane in your arms, put angels on every side keeping watch over her and her sojourners. Thank you God for creation. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. Amen."

At that, I grabbed my motorcycle helmet, looked out the window, put my motorcycle helmet back, grabbed the car keys, and headed up to good ole Bothell to be a facilities manager. Work was, shall I say, less than eventful. I had to put some furniture together and catch up on email and phone messages. But on the exciting part, I got to tell people about my surfing and hiking trip and where we stayed, and who we met, and how bad I was at surfing.

3 p.m. came and I had to leave. I had errands to run and had to pick-up the house before I had to be at the airport at 7 to pick Brooke up. On the way back to the condo I stopped at Whole Foods to do the grocery shopping for the week. Amongst other things, I picked up raspberries, carrot juice, clif bars, peppers, apples, bananas, pluots, rainbow trout, soy milk, skim milk, bagels, double chocolate stout, spaghetti, white sauce and...a dozen roses. I drove home, unloaded the car and put the groceries away.

Next chore was to do the laundry. I had about two loads I needed to do, but I only had 7 quarters (one load is 4 quarters). I walked out to the car to see if there was a quarter in there, checked all my pants pockets, checked the sofa, checked everywhere a quarter could be. But there were only 7 quarters in our house. And even if I got the clothes washed, I would have to pay to dry them...so I gave up and left the clothes in a pile on the floor. By this point it was 5:30 and the time to leave was coming closer and closer. My errands, and tasks were done so I could either sit and wait patiently, try to work on homework, or watch the Simpsons. I chose the latter, and laughed my head off at Homer making a web page called 'Mr. X.' that brought me to 6, I still had an hour to kill. I was starting to get antsy. Nothing to do, no way to focus, and still an hour before I had to leave for the airport. So what did I decide to do for an hour? Surf the internet and read blogs. there really is no better way to kill time then to read random peoples blogs and comment on them.

Finally 7 came, Willis and I ran down the stairs and out to the car. I had one stop to make before I got to the airport. I had to stop and get Brooke's favorite snack -- Reese's peanut butter cups. I had grabbed one of the twelve roses from the vase before I had left and so on the passenger seat was one red rose and two Reese's peanut butter cups. Willis was in the back seat hanging his head out the window getting pelted with rain (he didn't seem to mind, so I chose not to care that the back seat was getting wet).

Finally the call came, "Hey honey where are you?" my bride asked innocently. "the question is, where are you?" I replied. "I'm just getting on the train to go up to baggage claim." She had landed, I couldn't believe it, Brooke was back in Seattle and only a couple miles away from me. I was so excited and tried to get willis excited with me, but he was to occupied with the rain (i think he was trying to figure out why he was getting wet, because he normally doesn't get wet when he hangs his head out the window). I pulled over on the airport road and waited for Brooke to call again letting me know that she was by the road and ready to be picked up. One minute passed, two minutes...eight minutes. Come on, come on baggage, I want to see Brooke I said to no one -- willis briefly looked at me and went back to the window. ten minutes, eleven minutes. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw red and blue flashing lights about 200 yards behind me. "Damn, I wonder if this is legal to be parked here? Oh well, I'll put it in drive and speed away." the cop got behind me for a little while, just enough to cause that stomach drop to occur, and then switched lanes. Just then the phone rang, "Hi, I'm standing right below the United Jet Blue sign." "Alright, I'll be there shortly."

I saw her before she saw me. I've always enjoyed looking at Brooke when she doesn't know I'm there, but this time was extra special. For I was looking at my bride, who I had only seen for 3 of the past 14 days. She looked so beautiful with her hair pulled back, curiously looking out into the road. I thought, 'she's waiting for me, she is waiting for her husband to pick her up, and man alive she's beautiful.' It wasn't long before she turned her head toward me, her face lit up and she waved, as to get my attention. I pulled over and she hopped in. "Hey pretty lady, wanna come home with me?" "I certainly do, let's go." And off we went, back to our condo. Back to the place the Brooke and Joel call home. Back to the place where many conversations are had. Back to the place that we wake up next to each other in the morning. But most importantly, we were going back to the place together.

I love you Brooke. Thank you for being my wife.

joel

I'm back...

2005-05-30T20:02:00.000-07:00

...but Brooke is not. Pray for her safety in flight tomorrow....

more to come later....

peace
joel

To Tofino I go

2005-05-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, early morning, Tim Soerens and I hop in his minivan and make our trek to Tofino British Columbia to go surfing. I've never gone surfing, so my goal is to at least stand up once, for longer than 5 seconds. We will see what happens though.

Meanwhile Brooke hops on a jet plane tonight to fly to Chicago, and then Green Bay and then gets in a car to go to Escanaba, Michigan to be with her family when her sister graduates from High School.

I will be back late sunday/early monday and Brooke will be back tuesday night.

My blog will be pretty quiet until monday. As I hope to disconnect from life almost entirely.

peace
joel

Mustard Seed Associates

2005-05-23T18:49:00.000-07:00

Today at Mars Hill Graduate School Tom and Christine Sine (Mustard Seed Associates) came in to discuss how our school could live 'on purpose.' For those of you not familiar with the Sine's they have written multiple books -- the one that most influenced me is Mustard Seed vs. McWorld. The church that I am involved in is currently discussing what this would look like and how we could effecctively become a missional mustard seed force within the urban setting of Seattle. Sometime soon my friend Trapper Lukaart is going to meet with the Sine's and hopefully get connected with some good resources.

It was a good day for networking.

peace
joel

Emergent Conversation Part 2

2005-05-23T16:48:00.000-07:00

The team

I went down to emergent with a group of students/staff/faculty. The students on the trip were Karen Wunder Tracy, Meredith Dancause, Tom Ryan, and myself. The staff that went was Ronna Miller and Zach Brittle -- and finally the faculty that went was Dwight Friesen and Dan Allender. We were quite an eclectic mix with different passions and different desires for the trip. But we did have at least one thing in common -- we are all fearful of what the trip was going to be like. Now, it wasn't that we were fearful all in the same way, but we all had verbally expressed some sort of fear. Because of this, in part, we 'recruited' five people to pray for us. I want to thank those of you that prayed for me (and us). It is hard to say that I felt your prayers, but I can safely say that your prayers influenced the way my conversations happened and how I interacted with people. So thank you for praying.

We, as a team, had decided that we wanted to be intentional about being a Spiritual team. We not only wanted to go on this together, but we really wanted to be transformed together and individually. We wanted to be there to care for each other as hard things came up and we wanted to be able to celebrate when incredible moments of strength and tenderness happened. In a very real sense, we wanted to be a church (as I define it) for 4.5 days of the trip. We, in my opinion, succeeded at doing this. It was a beautiful experience, and a refreshing experience. We cared for each other, we cried with each other, we laughed with each other. We engaged in tough conversations together and were able to talk about why they were tough -- without getting defensive. We were able to love each other.

Thank you all for being on this trip with me. I enjoyed each one of your presence's and what you had to offer me. You all, individually and collectively, breathed a new sense of hope into me.

May the God of remembrance stay with us

peace
joel

emerging women in leadership and emergent part 1

2005-05-22T13:40:00.000-07:00

Well I am officially back from Nashville and another Emergent convention has come and gone. As many of you know, this was my second trip to the Nashville version of Emergent (I went last year). This trip was quite different from the last year trip, for many reasons. But I will not compare the trips, as each holds value in unique ways. Instead, I will focus in the highlights, and possible low lights of this years trip. But before I do so, for those of you outside of my everyday life I need to include some context, otherwise not much of this will make sense.

Going into Emergent I knew I needed a break from many things. I was starting to feel spent and exhausted. On some level I had entered a rut that I couldn't get out of and I didn't like the rut I was in. Cynicism and anger were part of my regular conversations. I hadn't had a good interaction in a while, and even if I did, I wasn't in a place where I could really let it hit me. And most of all, I was annoyed and burnt out with the church that Brooke and I are a part of. I needed a purging, I needed fresh conversations, I needed new ways to look at things --as the old ones weren't working anymore.

In a conversation I had with the team about a week before we left for the convention I expressed my fears and anxieties about the trip and we made sure that we all found people to urgently pray for us while we were away. The funny thing about most prayers is that we never know if they are answered. Sometimes we think we do, but typically we say that 'God answered prayer' when things went the way we wanted them to. In this case, for this trip, the things I wanted prayed for weren't specific, they more mood-al. I needed a check with my mental state, and thus I will never know if they were answered, because I don’t know what my trip would have been like if no one was praying for me. But anyway, I think I can comfortably say that 'God answered prayer'.

The following are some very specific conversations that I was a part of -- and these are my thoughts on them.

Emerging Women in Leadership Luncheon
This event was sponsored by Mars Hill Graduate School on behalf of and for the sake of the Emerging Women Leadership Initiative. All the major 'celebs' of Emergent were invited to a three hour luncheon to discuss women in leadership in the church.

For those of you who know me well you know that this is something that I am passionate about. This isn't the space to explain why, but I will say that the kingdom of God needs the voice of women. But, even with as much passion I have around this topic I accepted this invitation a little bit hesitant. One of the reasons for this is that typically the environment of these conversations is one that I do not enjoy. I am obviously a white male in the Church, and because of this baggage is typically placed on me, in these conversations, that is not mine to carry. When I speak the assumption is usually made that I don't get it and that I need to be 'converted.'Obviously, I push-back against this. Just like these women want me to see them as a human being created in the image of God, so to, I want them to see me as a human being created in the image of God -- not the problem. I am for them, not against them, and I want them to be for me, not against me.

The luncheon started with breaking into small groups where a male was paired up with a female and we were to talk about the most influential woman in our lives (and for the males it couldn't be our mother or wife). I sat with two women who I respect very much and we swapped storie -- it was a very beneficial time. We then got back into one large group and listened to stories of harm caused by the Church. Numerous women shared horrendous stories about disrespect. We, men, then had a time to respond to the stories. At the close we had time to talk about steps forward from here and what, we as a group, were going to do to continue the conversation forward.

During this three hour session I was all over the spectrum of emotions. I was over joyed with steps that were made and I was so angry at points that my body was shaking. At one point I was embarrassed that I was part of the conversation. What I feared would happen did. We men, were objectified as the problem (therefore made into a us versus them conversation), and baggage, some of which we didn't deserve was thrown at us. Through this whole process I kept silent and just listened to story after story. I wanted to be attentive to the process that needed to occur for steps to be made. And, at some level, the anger and frustration of the women needed to be released. I knew that this was really the first venue where this could happen, somewhat safely. As expected, and maybe somewhat justified, men in the room became defensive. They pushed back against certain claims, which then, the women pushed back against them. This process went on for a little while and during this process the tension in the room increased greatly. We had suddenly moved from a conversation to an argument and I felt as though we were taking steps back and possibly creating an 'excuse' for the men to not re-enter this conversation next time (which I hope doesn't happen). The thing we both need to remember is that none of us in that room are bad people --we all have good intentions and all want to love each other the best we know how. I don't think we remembered this, until the end of the conversation when a couple people spoke up and helped re-center us.

All in all I hope that both the men and the women can re-enter the conversation, or keep it continuously moving forward. It is going to be a long, slow process and we need to be patient. There are years of harm caused and we need to be attentive to that. We need to own what is ours, and shed that which isn't. We also need to be comfortable with our own sexual nature. We men, need to be comfortable enough with our own sexual desire to be able to sit on a leadership team with women and not feel as though they are a threat to our marriage. We need to learn to be intimate with women and be ok with it. Until we get to that point not much is going to change because we are either consciously or sub consciously going to run the other direction because we view women as a threat. We men may be all for women in leadership, but until we view them as a human being, and not a threat, movement is going to be slow. I want men to be able to hug a woman as she cries and feel a level of intimacy that is ok. In my opinion the kingdom needs this and us men need to own up to this.

Well my writing time for the day is up...this is one of four conversations that I will blog about, so stayed tuned for the other three.

Peace
joel

From nashville...

2005-05-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

I know you exist, I know you are out there. I can sense you. I can feel you. So why don't you show yourself to me? Why do you choose to remain hidden?

I need to see you tomorrow. I need you to show up. I need for you to exist. You are my only hope.

_______________________
There is this group of people who are on a journey. They know not where they are going, but they feel something yearning them forward. They hear a still small voice that whispers in their ear, "It's ok, I know the way home." This is what keeps these people going. It is not for the glory, it is not for the fame. It is to continue the story that has been told to them, it is to continue the story that they believe in.

These people are messed up, they are not perfect, nor do they pretend to be. They learned years ago that it does'nt work to act perfect. They have learned that authenticity and humility are much better than perfection. They have learned that confession isn't always about stating something bad. They have learned that their call isn't to be an upright moral person, rather their call is to be a person entrenched in forgiveness -- a forgiveness of the other as well as themselves. They realize that their call is to be people led by love and inclusion, not hate and exclusion. They have learned that systemic sin is nearly impossible to break and yet they do their part to not contribute to it. They have learned that life isn't about how well someone can compartmentalize but how well one can integrate. They have learned that language is a tool of communication.

These people are a lovely people. These people are an ugly people.

Spirit -- may I hold these thoughts, may they revuberate in my soul and may I not forget them

peace
joel

i've got internet at emergent

2005-05-18T13:38:00.000-07:00

so look for posts to come soon. I'm hoping to find time to congeal some of my thoughts into a workable form.

To all of those who are praying for me, I can feel your prayers, quite literally. I feel different. So thank you and please continue. It has already made a difference on how I am receiving this conference.

peace
joel

aesthetics of site changed

2005-05-16T20:38:00.000-07:00

I spent some time changing what my site looks like. In addition I added some 'worthy sites' in the right side column. Let me know what you think of the changes....

joel

Emergent...

2005-05-16T16:37:00.000-07:00

I leave for emergent tomorrow morning. I'll be hopping on a plane at 11:16 tomorrow morning, hitting a layover in Denver and ending up in Nashville sometime early evening. My hopes, for myself at this convention are the following:

1. That my hope in the emergent conversation would be re-kindled where necessary and that I would be able to be 'righteously' angry where necessary.
2. That I would connect with mission movers are the country who are doing similar things to me. So that we can be supportive of each other, sojourners on this ridiculous journey.
3. That I will be able to connect with the people that I am on the trip with (Tom, Zach, Meredith, Karen, Dan, and Dwight)

My hopes for Mars Hill at this convention are:

1. That I will find one brave soul who is willing to move to Seattle and become a student of Mars Hill.
2. That, in general, more people will be blessed by the us, than us by them. (although it would be nice to be blessed as well).

I hope to connect to the web and upload my thoughts. But I'm Dutch and so if it costs me money I won't do it and I will just wait until I get back to Seattle to upload them.

peace
Joel

CSA's and the Kingdom

2005-05-15T13:29:00.000-07:00

For the past two years Brooke and I have been changing our diet. We started to realize the necessity for this when we both starting gaining weight immediately after getting married. It isn't that our diet was all that bad, we were just eating a lot of unnecessary carbs. Growing up in the midwest casseroles are the main entree at most dinners. Casseroles are delicious, and I love almost all of them I've ever eaten, but they are full of stuff that can make ya fat. So the first thing to go was the casseroles -- I don't think we've made on in 18 or so months.

The next conversation we started having was about milk. Brooke and I had both read some articles about artificial growth hormones that are fed to cows. These articles shed light on a potential problem with growth hormones -- and that is that they make it into the cows milk, therefore making it into the human body. Now, I don't know about you, but I prefer to be cow hormone free. Thus, we how purchase organic, growth hormone free milk. This transition didn't include just the milk that comes in gallon jugs. It also included anything that had milk in it. For example, I'm a yogurt fanatic (i eat it at least once every day), I'm also a crackers and cheese fanatic (extra sharp cheddar only), as well as a macaroni and cheese fanatic (bye bye kraft, welcome annie's natural). After converting to organic milk I started to be made aware that I don't really need the extra fat that is in 2% milk, so I now drink skim (except for the cream in my coffee, I prefer half and half in that).

So far casseroles and growth hormones are gone, you may ask 'what's next?'

To answer that question I need to ask you a question back -- have you ever thought about where you spend your money? This is a scary question to ask ourselves. For if we truly answer it, in all aspects, then I guarantee that almost every place we spend money we would change. I know it has for Brooke and I. Let me give some examples.

Major Grocery Chains (i.e. Walmart and anything owned by Kroger)
Although these places give us the cheapest prices they also cause the most damage to the global market as well as the standard of living in the countries that manufacture their products. How, in a country where inflation is increasing can Walmart continue to lower their prices. it isn't because they care about their customer. It is, in part, because they find a cheaper shop, with worse working conditions, in some third world country to manufacture them -- thus they can lower their prices. Walmart has publicly said that they quite often don't check the working conditions of where they get their products from.

I, as a human, cannot buy from Walmart. I know too much. And I will not support, with my money, a company that does not protect its suppliers and give them the human rights that we all deserve.

Brooke and I now shop at farmers markets, road side stands, and whole foods market. Whole foods donates 25% of their profits to sustainable agriculture. We even ask where our fish or chicken is coming from. If it is farmed we don't buy it (too much bacteria and growth hormones). Our chicken is free range and grain fed and out fish is typically caught from the Puget Sound or Alaskan waters.

Major Clothes Makers
These are much the same as the Walmart syndrome (i.e. big business syndrome). Therefore I can't support them with my money either.

This is a little harder to do, as I do need underwear, socks, and white t-shirts. But with all my other clothes I try to research the company before I purchase from them.

Now you may be saying, "Doesn't all this cost a little more, sometimes a lot more?" The answer to that question is not as easy it may seem. If I were to be short-cited, and look at the 'bottom-line' of my grocery bill, then the answer would be yes. But if I were to be 'long-cited' then the answer would most likely be no, although this is harder to quantify.

I view money as a tool. Money is not something that I save, or I earn. Money is simply the system that we have in place to get done what we need to get done. Therefore I don't care if my bottom line is more, because the difference is helping to better the world. I view shopping at sustainable places as a missional act. I am commanded, by the God I serve, to love my neighbor as myself. This first requires that I love myself (otherwise it would be impossible to love my neighbor) and then to think about how my actions affect my neighbor, even if that neighbor doesn't have a face or a name. By shopping at companies that love their neighbors I am doing my part to advance the kingdom of God.

So to answer the original question of 'whats next?' The answer is Community Supported Agriculture (CSA). Most of the time our fruit that we eat is about a year old and has had certain chemicals sprayed on it to stop it from ripening, and then other chemicals sprayed on it to ripen it 'on demand.' As of this week Brooke and I are supporters of a local farmer in the North Cascades and Yakima Valley. We will pay this farmer, and his family, $25.00 a week and at the local farmers market they will bring us a wide variety of fruits and vegetables that they personally grew -- el natural and in their backyard.

It's good to know where we are spending our money, and that we aren't making a CEO richer, while the government continues to take away money from those that need it most -- the poor. I now know that my $25.00 a week is going toward paying this farmers mortgage, his tractor payment, his boots on his feet.

May we continue to ask ourselves, "Where will this money end up?" If you don't know, then I recommend trying not to spend it.

trying to do my part,
joel

A fool in love

2005-05-09T09:54:00.000-07:00

It was a cold, dreary day in the Middle East. The clouds were a couple different shades of gray and were constantly swirling in a chaotic mess. Hosea had finished doing his chores for the day. He had gone to the well and gathered water for the day, he had cleaned out his tent and was about ready to settle into a slow afternoon of conversation and watching the crops when suddenly everything changed. The clouds broke, the sun appeared, only momentarily, but enough to make Hosea realize that something significant was going to happen. WHAM! Instant headache. His brain starting hurting as the pressure from his eyes worked its way up into his brain. His ears were pierced with a screech followed by a thunderous clap. And suddenly, there was silence. The clouds went back to swirling in chaos, the crops appeared untouched. But Hosea, Hosea felt different. He felt heavier, or lighter, he couldn't decide. He had heard of people being touched with the Spirit but never thought that he would experience it -- if that was indeed what this was. But whatever it was he wanted to find out. So he grabbed his walking stick, his extra cloak and headed over to the wisdom givers. He entered the tent of the head wisdom giver and asked, "What is it like when the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob places his Spirit upon someone?" The wisdom giver responded with a simple, quite prophetic sentence, "It looks like you will soon find out, now go, and listen well to what the Spirit says."

On his way back to his tent he cursed the ground he walked on, cursed the clouds that were swirling above his head. He screamed at the God that his people call Yahweh. "WHY ME? I'M NOT READY FOR THIS! PICK SOMEONE ELSE! I am just a lowly person." The answer Yahweh gave to Hosea was not one that he expected, nor had hoped for. Foe Yahweh said, "Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from me."
"What? You want me to go marry a whore? This is absurd, ridiculous, and foolish -- but because I trust in you I will do it." And thus Hosea married Gomer and she bore him a son who they named Jezreel.

Marriage was good for a little while and Hosea and Gomer had two more children. But Hosea knew that Gomer had not given up her ways of being a prostitute. She would run off for days on end and come back exhausted with no good excuse for why she left. During this time Hosea grew frustrated with his unfaithful wife. All we wanted was to share his life with her, to share the intimate moments, the transformational moments of life -- but she was too busy sleeping with other men to notice the man that she was supposed to be intimate with. About this time Yahweh spoke again to Hosea, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as I love the Israelites, though they turn to other gods..."

And so Hosea went out searching for his wife. He knew various spots where she hung out. He went and asked the local politicians, "Have you seen my wife lately?" They replied, "Yes, she was here this morning."
"Have you been sleeping with her?" Hosea timidly asked.
"For years, much before you even married her. Your bride has been our most loyal bedmate."
"Do you know where she is now?"
"No we do not, but you may want to look across the street at the bank. We know she is over there a lot as well."

Hosea thanked the politicians and walked across the street to the bank and asked the same question of the bankers, "Have you seen my wife lately?" "Why, yes, we have. She was here this morning." Hosea's face turned downcast and he asked, "Have you too been sleeping with her?" "Why, yes, we have. For years your bride has been coming to us for money, she has been one of our most loyal bedmates." Hosea couldn't bear the weight of the next question so he turned around as to exit the bank. As he turned toward the door he began to feel much like a fool for marrying a prostitute. The foolishness was increased when a roar of laughter erupted from behind him. He tried to ignore it, but the insults went straight to his heart. "Ha Ha! Hosea your bride has been unfaithful. What kind of idiot would marry a prostitute and hope for her to be loyal? You are such a jackass." Hosea had no response, for he knew that he was a fool, but he also knew that Yahweh had told him to marry her.

Hosea slowly walked home ripping his clothes and wondering why the God he served would call him to be a fool. He also wondered how he was going to woo his bride into loyalty to him. The politicians and the banks had so much lure and so much power over him -- for he was just a lowly farmer. The only power he had was his humility, passion, and his willingness to admit that he was a fool. This was his last chance he thought. I am going to find Gomer, the bride I love so much, and confess my foolishness. And so he did. He confessed his foolishness to Gomer, in hopes, that she too would see the passion and love that he had for her.

Is this just a story? Or is there a metaphor in here? I leave this up to you to decide. But for those that want to read more about Hosea and Gomer please see the chapter in the Bible entitled "Hosea."

And to the Church I say, please come back. Please sacrifice Christendom for the sake of the Gospel.

a fool in love with a prostitute,
joel

Views from the Edge

2005-05-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

The school I attend has officially entered the world of publications. These writings will give a glimpse into some of the thought that occurs at Mars Hill Graduate School. If you want to read them go here.

peace
joel

the song of my life

2005-05-05T14:24:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone, unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do

In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in, fit in
Until I found out
That I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong, I don't belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When you found me here
Yeah for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear

I'll be a beautful letdown 
That's what I'll forever be 
And though it may cost my soul 
I'll sing for free 
We're still chasing our tails in the rising sun 
In our dark water planet still spinning in a race where 
No one wins and no one's won 

See I don't belong here
I don't belong, I don't belong
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong, I don't belong
I don't belong here, I don't belong here
I don't belong here, I don't belong
I'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come
Kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won't you let me down yeah
Let my foolish pride
Forever let me down

Ah, easy living, you're not much like your name
Easy dying, hey you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list
Easy living, please come on and let me down
-Jon Foreman (Switchfoot)

theology of a motorcycle?

2005-05-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

In was about Thanksgiving of the year 2003. I had just bought my first motorcycle (which turned out to be a lemon, but that is a whole different story). I was telling people at school how excited I was to finally have a motorcycle (i had wanted one since i was a freshman in college, but motorcycles are considered 'toys' in michigan and i couldn't afford a 'toy.') and Paul Steinke casually asked me, "What is your theology of a motorcycle?" a what? is this possible? the words 'theology' and 'motorcycle' had never been but in the same sentence before, at least in the presence of me. I fumbled through my words in a meager attempt to answer the question, and then I eventually said, "I'll have to get back to you on that one, I'm not sure I know."

Well Paul, it is now 16 months later and it just dawned on me yesterday what you were talking about -- or at least i can try to wrap some more words around it.

Yesterday was a beautiful day in Seattle, it had rained over night and so the morning was gray and a little bit dreary. I went to the gym and worked out, came back to the condo, worked on my writing, and ate lunch. Around 12:30 I hopped on my bike to head north up to work. By this point in the day the sun had come up, dried out the roads and the temperature was about 60. I was maybe halfway into my trip when I became aware of how aware I was. You see, motorcycles are dangerous, this is a well known fact. The lesser known fact is that motorcycles can be safe, but it all depends on the riders awareness. So here I was, in the diamond lane going roughly 70 with a truck (like a ford truck, not a semi)in front of me. I generally don't ride behind trucks, especially when they have stuff in them. But, in this case, I had made an exception. My senses were telling me that a car was coming up behind me -- thus closing an escape path and there was very little shoulder next to me-- thus i was boxed in, behind a truck full of junk. I then zeroed into the truck's bed contents in front of me. I saw a couple garbage bags, some lumber, a desk, a desk chair, and in the far back of the bed a large wooden doll house (the type that a 4 year old girl can fit inside). One second later (at the most), the doll house was no longer in the bed of the truck, it was airborne, coming straight at me, on my motorcycle when I didn't have an escape path (something motorcyclists stress more than anything, '"always have an escape path" I can hear from my safety instructor). Thus enters my theology of a motorcycle (in part) -- for the next words out of my mouth were "O God." Instantly all four appendages of mine went to work. The left hand pulled in the clutch, the left foot down shifted, the right hand squeezed the front brake and the right foot applied the rear brake. I shifted my weight and swerved. Or at least it felt like I swerved, I'm not exactly sure what I did -- except make it safely past the doll house and it crumbled into pieces on the highway. I then upshifted to speed past the truck, partially from the adrenaline rush and partially because I wanted to get the heck out of there.

If I were to draw a theological framework around this story I would talk about how God wants us to be attentive to our bodies and to our senses -- they are telling us something. We need only to listen and be ready for the unexpected. For if I had been day dreaming I may not be sitting at my kitchen table typing these words. And yet, because I was aware of my surroundings I knew not to swerve into the next lane, I knew not to swerve to my left into the non-existent shoulder, I knew what was going on in front of me and I trusted my senses.

maybe, just maybe, I experienced a glimpse of what Eastern religions have claimed for years -- meditation is a way to experience God. For, if meditation is being aware of your body then I was in a state of meditation.

peace
joel

.php and .asp

2005-05-01T16:19:00.000-07:00

ok, here's a post for all you nerds out there.

i have recently re-entered the world that I was once entrenched in -- the world of computers and programming. My good friend Jason Best (and also the IT genius at school) is hosting space for me. i bought the URL www.missionalationship.com and spent probably 15 hours this weekend struggling with language commands and organization of tables. it truly is amazing that three years can get a person completely out of the loop of technology. the road back into it is slow, extremely slow, but i'm getting there. trial and error and google are my best friends right now. the internet truly is amazing, i can type any question that enters my brain into google and within five minutes i can have the answer. it really is just an extension of my brain.

on a completely different note -- brooke and i planted a vegetable garden this weekend. in this garden are cucumbers, snap peas, squash, radishes, romaine lettuce, and strawberries. and soon to come, rhubarb, as soon as I can find someone who is willing to splice a plant (i'm hoping to bring some back from michigan when i go in june). i've never had a vegetable garden so we will see how it goes.

peace
joel

p.s. if you go to my website you won't see a whole lot, because i have my development site hidden until its release date, sometime late summer...but feel free to blog at the blog...

the semester is over

2005-04-26T19:39:00.000-07:00

Well, my spring semester is over. It was a semester full of progress toward a fuller life, and a semester marked by tragedy. Our church is taking steps toward becoming, and my career is taking steps as well (more to come on that later -- i'm currently in dialogue with something that could be a major step). There is something that is a theme in my life, which I think tells me something about the God I serve -- NOTHING makes sense (or most things don't make sense). It seems apparent that whenever I decide what I'm going to -- it changes. It is the random conversations that I have with the random people that will eventually change my life, and progress me on the path that God is revealing to me, piece by piece. If this all feels nebulous, it is because it is.

Keep me in mind in the next week as I wrestle with part of my calling.

On a different note, SUMMER is here and I am so juiced for it. Some of the things I hope to do this summer are (in no particulat order)

1. Hike through the Olympic National Forest
2. Climb Mount Adams (12, 200 ft)
3. Stay on a beach house on the Oregon coast
4. Start/Finish my first fictional theology book (fictional, not being an adjective, rather a genre of book -- in other words, the book I hope is a fictional story engrossed in theology)
5. Develop missionalationship.com some more -- at least get it to be usuable

Well, that's all I can think of. I'm also taking somewhere between 6 and 10 credits this summer. It's going to be a full summer.

peace
joel

a new Pope

2005-04-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

Well, shortly after 10:00 am western time it was announced that the new Pope was going to be Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger from Germany. The verdict is out as to my reaction to this selection -- as I'm not sure who I wanted to be Pope, other than someone willing to wrestle with reform, poverty, and women's roles. And, after reading certain articles about Ratzinger I'm not sure he fits that description -- in fact, his first comment said "The church needs to be true to itself."

So here I sit, trusting in what God is doing, yet feeling a little anxious.

Two of the articles I read are here and here

I'm anxious to hear your comments on what you think....

peace
joel

a beautiful story

2005-04-19T00:21:00.000-07:00

This past friday night I got lured into going to a birthday party. The birthday party was inititated by Michael Wilhoit, to be thrown for his girlfriend, Rachel Rollins. The party, was a month, almost to the day before her birthday. But, I didn't think this terribly odd because Rachel had thrown a birthday party for Michael three weeks before his birthday -- so I was starting to believe that this type of activity was 'normal' for them.

Because I am a slacker I arrived at the party (it was going to be a surprise for rachel...) with no card, and no present. I brought all that I was told to, myself, and chocolates. The plan was to get there at 6 and Michael and Rachel would show up at about 6:30. I, being Dutch, showed up right on time and found that the house was already being decorated by more punctual people than myself. Big balloons, streamers, noise makers were either floating, taped to ceiling, or laying on the table, respectively. At about 6:15 one of Michael's roommates invited all of us in attendance to join him in the living room to 'prep' us for the surprise. At this point he began reading something that went sort of like:

Friends of Rachel and Myself -
thank you so much for being here, but I must admit that I invited you here under a guise. By the time you are hearing these words I have asked Rachel to marry me and she has hopefully said yes.....

At this point the rest of the letter got ignored, at least by me. I was too lost in my thoughts that ranged from "Holy Cow" (that's the PG version) to "Whoa" to "Oh my goodness" to "Jeepers Creapers" to "That's awesome." Immediately the room was filled with laughter and celebration. But then silence set in. You see, most of us in the room didn't know Michael and Rachel were at this point in their relationship -- as they only starting dating in January. So someone voiced the question of "What if she says no?" A fair question. And then, all doubt was diminshed with the click of a finger. Tim, one of Michael's good friends, had photographed the entire proposal and put it in a powerpoint presentation (to music and all). As the 10-12 of us sat there and watched it our hearts began to beat quicker as Michael slowly got down on one kneee, pulled out a ring...and then...a big bear hug and a twirling. It was obvious at that point that she, had indeed, said yes.

The next 10 minutes were agonizing. I couldn't wait for the two of them to come through the door and to wrap them both in my arms and smile.

Four hours, two pizzas, a couple cases of beer, and many good conversations later Brooke and I departed the time.

However, somewhere in that four hour window I was honored in a way that I've never been honored before. In order for that sentence to make complete sense a long story needs to be told about the journey between Rachel and myself. The incredibly short of the long is that we, in our friendship have incarnated the gospel, numerous times. We have gone from a place of an awkwardness between us that led us not to talk to each other -- to a place of trust, respect, and redemption. Thus, we have lived the gospel and it has been a beautiful process to participate in.

All that to say that Rachel and Michael invited me to be the individual to marry them. Could there be a higher compliment paid? I am invited to not only be present at the day of their marriage, but to speak to all those in attendance and to send the two of them into their first day of marriage with the words that come out of my mouth. I get the honor to be the first human to say, "I now pronounce Mr. and Mrs. Wilhoit" (or some derivative of that).

For this opportunity and priviledge I say 'thank you michael and rachel.' And I can not wait for that day in August when the two of you voluntarily, willingly, and lovingly step into the playground that God calls 'oneness.'

a humbled and grateful,
joel

confusion..or confucious...or neither...

2005-04-13T22:36:00.000-07:00

this is my third and final post of the day, i guess i'm making up for lost time, or something..

I have a thing for (against) church signs. Especially the ones that are incredibly foolish.

Here is one on them:

I know what this sign is trying to say, yet I'm not sure what it means. Does it mean that if I do wrong then I am right? Does it mean that i'm left if I do right? I'm so confused, but if I take it at face value, then I'm really sorry left-wingers, apparently everything you do is wrong. Signs like these make me say "Marantha -- come Lord Jesus"

joel

A paper I wrote

2005-04-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

go here if you want to read a paper I wrote on ecclesiology (doctrine of the church). This paper begins to cement some ideas around the word missionalationship, in regards to its function in the church.

peace
joel

an attempt...

2005-04-13T21:31:00.000-07:00

Well I guess maybe I'm back into the swing of things, or maybe I just feel like I'm sick of doing homework so I will spend some time 'sneezing' my thoughts into text.

Yesterday and today I spent my lunches with two Australian church planters. Alan Hirsch, and Michael Frost wrote a book that I read for a class, that I enjoyed and so when I found out they were going to be in Seattle I made sure to connect with them. These lunches were phenomenal. It is hard to describe why they were so great because it is part the context that I am in and where I am in my journey of church planting. But basically these guys talk about what a 'missional church' looks like, and how it looks drastically different from what most westerners would call 'church.' This is a breathe of fresh air to me, as the community I am involved in has been having very similar thoughts, so it was good to see two guys on a different continent thinking the same thoughts (geez, you'd think there would be this thing called the holy spirit...). It was also good to connect with some local church planters that planted about 2 years ago and are in the midst of figuring out what it means to be missional. I'm in the process of attempting to write a paper on missiology. i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, as there seems to be so much stuff about mission, and yet I have to discern how much of it is the mission that Jesus would want us one. Because, I for one, can't say that many of the 'battles' that the church is fighting for are battles that Jesus would want us spending all our time and energy one...or maybe he would, but he certainly would be doing it differently...anyway, i'm going to spend the next few minutes dumping my brain in a non-cohesive form. if you can, hang with me, as it may get ugly and disjointed.

The core question a group of Christians need to ask themselves is, "why do we gather?" I was recently asked this question by a friend of mine and didn't have a good answer. I had plenty of 'textbook' answers that I could have tapped into, but I didn't have an answer that I felt comfortable with. I wasn't about ready to throw out the 'because Jesus commands us to' or the 'because it is my duty as a Christian.' I really want to be able to answer this question, as I think every Christian should really want to answer this question. The phrase that is commonly used is "I go to church on Sunday." Why? Why sacrifice a morning of your weekend each week to go to this place we call church? Why get all dressed up to sing silly songs, listen to a narcissistic pastor, say it was a good sermon, and go home and eat a good lunch before football comes on? I believe it is because at our very core we feel as though we are part of something much bigger than ourselves. At our very core we feel that which Jesus talked about, "the kingdom of God is at hand." This kingdom isn't something we wait for, it is something that we participate in on a daily basis. This kingdom is the presence of the Holy Spirit acting in and through God's creation. In Acts 1 when Jesus is asked, "Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?" This questions comes after the death and the resurrection, this question comes at a time where the disciples are beginning to believe in what Jesus is doing, yet they still want a tangible kingdom. So how does Jesus answer the question? He talks about the presence of the Holy Spirit. Shortly thereafter POOF Jesus is gone. Disappeared. The disciples are left staring blankly at the sky, not believing (yet again) that these crazy things are happening. Did Jesus answer the disciples question? I believe so. But in good God form, the answer is counter-intuitive. The answer went against what the disciples believed to be a kingdom. They were certain that because Jesus had risen, had conquered death, that he would be their king who would sit on a throne and hold a ceptor. But instead, he leaves his Spirit? This doesn't make any sense. How can a kingdom exist without a tangible king? This is the beauty of the gospel, this is the brilliance of God. His kingdom is subversive, like a mustard seed, like a grain of yeast. It only takes one small mustard seed to move a mountain -- it doesn't take a king.

Jesus' mission was a mission that didn't rely on power, it relied on authority. Numerous times Jesus is given ample opportunity to become a powerful individual, and everytime he skirts it and 'repents' from it (that is, he takes a U-turn away from it). After the feeding of the five thousand he gets in a boat and leaves. He walks away from the cheering and celebrating, he walks away from being carried off the field. He knows that for the mustard seed to be true, for the Spirit to work, that he needs to squelch power.

So, why then do Christians gather? Dang, after all that typing this question still seems hard to answer. I was hoping i'd get somewhere...ugh...

well, i guess all i can say is that I'm not ready to write my paper yet...speak to me Spirit. I'm listening for your still small voice.

good night
joel

the silence is deafening...

2005-04-11T08:28:00.000-07:00

to the three people that read this blog, I apologize for the lack of updates lately. I haven't been in the mood lately to post anything of value. however, I am still alive and kicking -- a little sore though from a hike brooke, tim and I went on this week.

peace
joel

Pray for the Pope

2005-04-01T10:09:00.000-08:00

As many of you know the Pope John Paul II's health continues to decline. One news article I read said that he had received the "Holy Viaticum" (communion served to those close to death). It seems inevitable that he will pass soon and a successor will need to be chosen. Please pray for both the Pope, the Roman Catholic Church, and for the millions of followers of Catholicism in the coming days.

As we all know, the successor is an important decision, especially in these changing waters.

God be with you Pope as you leave this earthly world

joel

Not a Christian?

2005-03-26T11:42:00.000-08:00

Well, Brooke and I are back from hiking and relaxing in the Olympic Peninsula. We have some amazing stories to tell and to remember, but I'll leave those for another day and another time.

When I got back from the woods I immediately ran back to my lifeline (not immediately, but close enough) -- the internet. A lot goes on in the world in 3 days when you purposefully decide to check out of it and go on vacation. Anyway, one of my good friends, Dwight Friesen, made me aware of an article by Al Mohler (preseident of the Southern Baptis Theological Seminary) that got my attention. It was an article in response to Brian McLaren's book A Generous Orthodoxy. As you might guess, it wasn't a favorable article, in fact it said that the Emergent conversation and Brian McLaren are great threats to Christianity. This, I find, quite histerical. Does Al not know that Brian serves the same God that he does? Does Al not know that not all differences are bad? And just because he doesn't like the book doesn't mean that it is bad, and a 'threat to Christianity.'

But none the less, Al is entitled to his position, and from his hermeneutic I can see why the emergent conversation is a threat. If you want to read the atricle go here.

As many of you know Brian Mclaren is a Faculty member at my school and he is teaching a class this summer on this book. I am greatly excited for it, not only because it asks some good questions of Christianity, but also because Brian always makes me think about what I believe and why. Some other person about 2000 years ago did the same thing to his religious community...and he got murdered for it. And tomorrow he will be alive and I will celebrate because I have a hope beyond this world. I have a hope that someday I will wrap my arms around Jesus and thank him for living the life he did, does, and will.

May you celebrate Easter, and your Savior, like you have a hope beyond this world.

peace
joel

brain paralysis

2005-03-22T18:27:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I spelled that word right, but that is what i feel like lately. this past week and a half has been such a....a something. I can't even think of a word to describe it. I sometimes do foolish things to get more in touch with the world around me, one of these things was going to see Hotel Rwanda this weekend. I wasn't prepared for it, well I was, but nobody can be prepared to see that much evil and that much good juxtaposed to each other. It was gut wrenching to watch. At one point I just wanted it to end because I didn't think I could stomach anymore. And yet, 4 days later I'm still motivated by it to fight the fight that I am fighting -- the fight against evil. It seems paralyzing at times though because so much evil and harm is all around -- and yet there is so much goos as well. The main character in the movie, Paul, is a glorious man. I wish I would have met him when he was in Seattle a couple weeks ago. He may not even know about Christ, and yet he lived the life of Christ in a glorious way. And the cool thing is, he didn't do it 'because he was a Christian' and he didn't do it 'because it would glorify God.' He did it because of who he is, and what he believes. This should be the call of all people -- to do good because of who they are -- not because of what they believe. This is the hope I have in my life. I don't ever want to do something because I am a Christian, I want to do things because I am being Joel. I am being who God created me to be. God doesn't care about beliefs, he cares about people, he cares about his creation. The only time God cares about beliefs is when they affect how a person treats his creation. How beautifully inverted is that!

alright, well I'm signing off til monday. I will be spending the next couple days camping and relaxing at a bed and Breakfast with my wife. I can't wait to have conversations around the fireplace about how chemistry and theology collide, and how God is bigger than either of us think he is, and how smoke stings out eyes, and how we fail each other in marriage, and how we 'succeed' in marriage....well you get the point. I can't wait.

peace
joel

first post from home

2005-03-17T17:17:00.000-08:00

that's right....the internet is now hooked up and ready to go...so, it's official, this is my first post from my house....yippie-i-o-kiaaa

peace
joel

internet at home

2005-03-16T13:32:00.000-08:00

brooke and I are finally getting the internet at our house...it is about time. we got sick of running to coffee shops and kinda sorta picking up stray signals here and there.

i don't know what this will mean for my blogs, but as far as www.missionalationship goes it will be more fully developed and quicker because i can get on the internet at home....stay tuned for the release of the site...it is still about 2 months out as my thoughts are still being developed around the word and the idea.

peace
joel

p.s. i just went to the dentist...i hate the dentist...there is never good news when you go to the dentist...3 cavitites and an already existant cavity needs to be re-filled because it seperated from my tooth. man that sucks.

Connecting with Switchfoot

2005-03-15T20:50:00.000-08:00

I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And i've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge

And I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
--Switchfoot 'On Fire'

It was the day of Stan's death and I needed to occupy myself with stuff I love so I headed over to Barnes and Noble's to take in the sights of a million books. After spending two hours there reading anything from theology, to social justice, to a hiking route up Mount Adams, to Web Page Design, and finally ending with Quantum Physics. I was starting to feel a little better, and then I hopped in my car. In the CD player was a CD by Switchfoot. Track 9 started to play about a mile from home. The track is entitled 'On Fire' and the lyrics are simply amazing, and when put to guitar rifs and drums it is overpowering. The word 'mystery' first caught my attention, since I certainly felt like Stan's death was a mystery -- at least to me and everyone I know. So I started to pay more attention to the lyrics and I could start to fell my body connect with them. I got the pre-crying shakes and by the time I pulled into the driveway my whole body was echoing the pain I was feeling. I sat there in the driveway in tears, well after the song ended.

It was a beautiful moment to connect with a song, and to connect with God. I felt as though those words described how I felt about Stan. I was recently asked why I enjoyed his classes so much and I responded with, "I leave feeling like I just spent three hours worshipping God" Not many people can teach a class like that, but Stan was his theology and I saw God in him.

In light of this moment I sent the lead singer of Switchfoot an email on Monday. I got his email address from a friend of his that works at school with me. I've never done anything like that, in fear of being a stalker. But maybe it was the hours I spent with Dave Matthews a week prior and didn't say a word that motivated me to speak this time. To my surprise I got a response back 6 hours later. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was a response and for that I am grateful. Jon thanked me for the email and for the encouragement to go on with his work.

I continue to miss you brother, but as the days slowly go on a smile can cross my face. Say 'hi' to my grandma for me.

learning to love and to live
joel

In Memory of Stanley J. Grenz (January 7, 1950-March 12, 2005)

2005-03-14T09:36:00.000-08:00

I, my school, my friends, the theological world, the kingdom, and the world is now different.

Stanley J. Grenz (go here to read about him) had a massive brain hemmorrage and died early Saturday morning.

Stan was a brilliant man, he taught me so much about the God I serve and I will always remember him as one of the original theological voices that started to shape me. I only got to take a class and a half from the man but his teachings, his writings, and his smile will always be remembered. Whenever I speak of the Trinitarian God I will be reminded about Stan.

I sit here on monday morning not really knowing what to do with his loss. I feel as though he was a victim to a great unseen battle that is going on. I feel as though his life ended in the first half of the sentence. I feel as though his greatest work was yet to come. I feel as though I don't understand a damn thing. He had so many more books to write and so much more work to do for the kingdom. My only source of smiling is when I think about Stan playing the guitar and singing 'Amazing Grace' in front of God, just like he did in front of class only a few short days before his death. He is dancing, and most likely still writing his next book ( i can't wait to read it when i get to heaven).

Stan changed me, and for this the world is changed. Stan changed the way I approach writing, Stan changed how I view God. Stan changed how I view the church.

Thank you Stan for a life that is worth honoring with my life. You are a saint in my book, and will be honored as one.

I already miss you brother and can't wait to see you again -- Lord come quickly
joel

Dave Matthews

2005-03-07T10:58:00.000-08:00

So yesterday some friends and I decided to head to our favorite park in Seattle, Gasworks park. It is right on Lake Union and has an incredible view of downtown Seattle. Well, Brooke and I arrived slightly early (in good dutch tradition) and started looking for a spot to set our blanket. Somewhere in this process I got a glimpse of what looked like Dave Matthews, and since he lives in the area the possibility was real that it could be him. He was walking along with his two daughters eating an apple. Nobody was bugging him, so I had my doubts. But eventually he spoke, and sure enough he had a South African accent. It was him, it really was dave matthews. After quickly deciding whether or not i wanted to act like a stalker I decided to remain 'unnoticed.' Well eventually Brooke and I put on blanket down on a hill, and to our surprise, dave came walking up the same hill, practically an arms length away -- and plopped his stuff down 10-15 feet behind us. There we were, sitting in a random park on a beautiful seattle day and dave matthews (along with his two daughters and eventually his wife) was sitting right behind us. How does that happen? and even more, how do people not bug him? I think this says something about how cool of a city seattle is. Famous people can take walks in the park and not be bugged.

Eventually my friends and I had the opportunity to entertain Dave by tossing a frisbee around the park while he and his daughters watched us. All I wanted to say was, "I saw you in concert at Comerica park in Detroit." Or something really nerdy like that, but instead I gave him the head nod, as to say, "I know who you are, but I shall leave you alone." Eventually he left and we finally got the chance to talk about how weird it was, and how cool.

peace
joel

sun and sorrow

2005-03-02T15:12:00.000-08:00

well it is another beautiful day in seattle. In finally rained this morning and most of yesterday. But, it is incredibly warm today. I was able to hop on my motorcycle without a jacket and ride around and still be warm. Because it was warm and the rodes were dry I went for an 'aggressive' ride. cornering harder and faster than normal, leaning more, etc. talk about an adrenaline rush. gosh i love my motorcycle. everybody, at some point in their life should expereience a motorcycle ride. it trully is a different way to travel.

I just spent some time on the fogblog (the website for greg lewis -- see below). I was brought to tears about how much love this man is receiving, even in the midst of him not recognizing people that he is talking to. Brain injuries are scary. he has bits and pieces remembered but he doesn't know where he is, or why he is there. i once again pray for the master surgeon to work a miracle in this man. send Your memory angels to his hospital bed and massage back his memories. amen.

there isn't a subject that fits

2005-02-27T19:01:00.000-08:00

A week ago now an acquaintence of mine fell 20 feet from his sailboat. His boat was in drydock so we landed on cement instead of in the water. One of his good friends was with him and saw the whole thing happen, he remembers thinking that Greg was surely dead. But he grabbed his phone anyway and called 911, some time later air-med arrived and carried him off to the hospital.

In the last week Greg has spent 90% of it unconcious. He had severe bloood clotting in his brain so the doctors removed a piece of his skull to help alleviate the pressure. He had lost motor skills on this left side for the majority of the week, but those, thank God, are back. On friday he spoke his first complete sentence since the accident.

It is going to be a long road of recovery for Greg, but it appears as though he will be ok. Hundreds of people have been up to his hospital bed and whispered words into his ears. Prayers have been non-stop being sent to God. His family flew in from Virginia and his sister from Florida. All of his intimate friends have put their life on hold this week while they sat with him.

How can God handle this? How can he watch, yet another one, of his children suffer?

I'll leave you with a story about Greg that was sent to me by his dear friend Paul

On Febraury 8, 2005 in a port in San Diego, CA, Greg was beneath the deck of the boat he would eventually buy, working through the internal/external chaos of pursuing one of the wildest dreams of his life. At some point, in the midst of his anxiety, Greg took a sharpie and on a torn piece of paper wrote what would become the overwhelming prayer of his family and friends in a mere eleven days. With blue tape, he fixed the prayer to his boat, a semi-permanent call to live into an unknown future. If you were to come aboard Greg's boat, walk below the deck to the forward bulkhead, there you would see a piece of paper mounted on its wood with the words: "Faith is hope for things not seen. . . . . Have faith, she will sail again, and be beautiful!! 2/8/05 Greg" Amen.

If you want to read a complete progress report on Greg go here

God, I come into your presence on behalf of Greg. I can see your hands massaging his head and whispering in his ear telling him that you are with him and that you never meant for this to happen. It wasn't your design and it wasn't in his story. But thank you God, for being a God of the resurrection and not a God of death. Redeem this accident, for your glory. Amen.

Thoughts on marriage

2005-02-21T20:37:00.000-08:00

I wrote this in my journal in January 2004 (thats a year ago). I'm posting it because it was good for me to read and to re-read and to wonder how and why I wrote some of this. Because, today, as I read it again, I still didn't understand it, completely. So anyway.....without further delay...thoughts on marriage.

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In my now 23 year old understanding of humanity and my six months of married life I will try to put to words what I feel God’s covenant of marriage is all about. First off, why does God think marriage is such a good idea? Why was it not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18)? God is infinite, yet God can only create that which is a part of him. You may say, well isn’t this everything then, since God is infinite? (Aside: Did God create evil? If he did, then doesn’t that mean that part of God is evil If he didn’t then how did evil get here?…that’s a whole other conversation). God, being in relation with his triune-self, could not create an independent self. He was unable to create a human, in the imago dei, that was self-sufficient, since God the Father is not self-sufficient, he has Jesus and the Holy Spirit. So God looked down on Earth and saw that Man was lonely, not even a dog could keep him company, “But for Adam no suitable helper was found” Genesis 2:20. Hence, God created the female gender. God used what he thought was beautiful and shaped it into a human being, not just any human, but the female gender. Think about the most beautiful woman that you have ever seen, now triple, quadruple her beauty, and you will begin to understand how beautiful Eve must have been. No wonder Adam called her “Whoa-man,” he was amazed with her presence and her face. Now that God has created both male and female the writer of Genesis wants us to know that “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:25. The word shame here is more than the feeling of regret, or the memory of a one-night stand that you aren’t proud of, or the feeling of failure. The word shame means so much more, it means so much more that we, fallen humans, cannot even comprehend what this word means. The English phrase “felt no shame”, is as close as we get to defining the perfect marriage, how God intended it, how it was supposed to be. I long for that day, I long for the day where I do not fail my wife, I long for the day where we are completely redeemed. Yet, as it sits today marriage is tough, no, marriage is impossible. All our efforts to live a perfect happy life are only glimpses of being completely redeemed in the kingdom of God. The mans curse is never feeling like they are good enough, a womans curse is feeling like they are too much for their man to handle. The curse (or blessing…) in chapter 3 of Genesis puts a lot of words to essentially saying that man will work in vain for everything, man will have to toil and toil and try and try and suffer and suffer, but man will never feel like they have accomplished anything. Now women, “and he (man) will rule over you.” Does this mean that women are to submit to men because it is part of the curse? I think that this is man’s arrogant way of interrupting this text. What if this text means that women will feel like they are too much, and then they will compromise to being too little, therefore allowing man to rule over them. What if, women are supposed to be strong, just as strong as men, but with a heart to be tender and beautiful? What if we as a culture allowed women to be beautiful in the ways they wanted to be? What if sex didn’t sell but beauty sold? What if beauty didn’t have to sell? What if men grew up and respected beauty and respected the female gender? What if…the list could go on. Do men really think that when they whistle at girls it makes them feel beautiful, or when men pick up a girl at the bar and physically trade a night of pleasure for a life-time of shame? All that to say, women should demand more, and men should give more, no, men should want more. A woman fully alive is God’s glory exposed. When my wife demonstrates her beauty through fighting for me, or taking a stand her herself, or speaking words of strength to me, or looking at me just perfectly with her big brown eyes, I melt, I literally feel my body relax and feel as though I have been tranquilized. Those moments hint at redemption. These are the moments that I hope for.

I keep using this word, redemption, but why? What is so important about this word? Why is redemption necessary? Why is redemption good? Well, I will start with saying that redemption is only needed because we are sinful creatures. The image of God is still very much present in us, but sin has tainted something, I will not say, like many scholars of the past, that sin tainted the image of God, but I will say that sin has tainted our relationship with God. This seems to jive better with what the writer of Genesis says, “I heard you in the garden and was afraid…” Genesis 3:10. So now that it has been established that redemption is necessary how does God bring redemption to a world that very much needs it. I would argue, besides sending his Son to forgive us of our sins, that the context of marriage is one of the places where God works the miracle of redemption. Why marriage, heterosexual monogamous marriage? Because the male and female souls portray different characteristics of God, and when they are put together in their most glorious form, the image of God cannot be mistaken. This image of God cannot be seen, as completely in male to male relationships or female to female relationships (this is not only referencing couples it is referencing friendships.) It can only be completely seen when all parts of God’s image are brought together, male and female. Notice, I did not say that the glory of God cannot be seen in homosexual relationships, I fully believe that God can still work in homosexual relationships, and God can still bring redemption. All I am saying is that something is missing, the image is not complete. If I were to say that homosexuals needed to be redeemed more than me, then I would be arrogant and naïve. Jesus came to save the whole world and came to redeem the whole world, not just the people that I like (that’s not supposed to mean that I don’t like homosexuals), not just the people that I feel should be redeemed. The whole world. Even the AIDS victims in Africa that 92% of Christians said that they would not donate money or their time to. That’s funny, Jesus’ best female friends were prostitutes.

…Well getting back to marriage, God uses the female to redeem the male and God uses the male to redeem the female. By nature the female is tender, by nature the male is strong. By nature the male sees things as black and white (hmmm, look at the male-dominated theology from the past 400 years), by nature the female does not see things as black and white, they weren’t created to. So how can the female redeem the male? She can teach the man to be tender in his strength, she can teach the man that everything isn’t black and white and that mystery is just as relevant as black and white. How can the male redeem the female? By teaching her to be strong in her tenderness.

Boulders and the Spirit

2005-02-14T17:31:00.000-08:00

I just turned in a paper on Pneumatology (doctrine of the Holy Spirit). The assignment was to write a short vignette about my life and do a theological essay on it. The following is my paper. I won't say any more about why I included what I included -- I want to leave it open to interpretation.

Boulders and the Spirit

“…we must ask. And we will sometimes struggle to hear and struggle with what we hear. But personally, it’s worth it. I’m after the path of life – and he alone knows it.”
- John Eldredge Waking the Dead

"Go out and stand before me on the mountain," the LORD told him. And as Elijah stood there, the LORD passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.”
-1 Kings 19:11-12

It was an abnormally warm Thursday morning. I woke up at my standard time and was welcomed to the world by sunshine and birds chirping. Brooke had left for work so I had our condo to myself, along with our ‘postmodern’ dog.

Thursdays are my day off, that is, my day off from going to Mars Hill Graduate School, either as a student or as a worker. Thursdays are, in a sense, sacred. I usually read in the morning and write in the afternoon. Thursdays are productive, because they have to be. It is my largest chunk of time in the week to ‘do things that need to be done.’

My day had just gotten going, I sat down with my granola and the newspaper and starting thinking through my day. I thought about how I had to read some Trinity books and how I had to rewrite a paper. It was then that I got a thought, or did I hear something. The thought went something like this, “Joel, get to the woods.” I ignored it through a series of explanations as to why I couldn’t, why I didn’t have time. Then, a little bit louder I heard, “Joel, get to the woods.” It was at this juncture that I knew it wasn’t from me, it wasn’t just something I wanted to do, instead, it was something I needed to do. I responded with a simple, “Why?” Silence. Nothing but silence.

-A story from my Journey

We all have them. We all have special places. Places where we think the clearest, places where we have incredible memories, or places where we can just be ourselves. The woods is one of these places for me. The smells, the noises, the breeze, and sometimes the solitude. As the author of 1 Kings teaches us, God is in the solitude, his Spirit resides there and his Spirit will take us there.

But why would the Spirit want to take me to the woods? And why would the Spirit tell me to go, but then not answer when I asked why? Does the Spirit know me, personally, or is the Spirit just God’s way of communicating his truths to me?

I grabbed my silver bullet (filled with chai tea), my pipe, and my Bible and hopped on my motorcycle. I had no idea where I was going to go, no one exact place seemed to be calling me more than any other. But one road seemed to be calling me – so I went. Thirty-five miles up I-5 and then twenty miles east is a road called ‘The Mountain Loop Highway.’ This was my destination. This road winds along the South Fork of the Stilaguamish River. I have been on this road many times, but I always depart it for a dirt road to find a hike. I couldn’t do that this time though, I didn’t have my hiking gear or enough water. So I decided to ride until I certain spot seemed to call me. I was just starting to accelerate out of an S-curve when I looked over at the river. Right in the middle of the river was a large boulder – the type that makes we wonder how it got there because it doesn’t seem like any amount of force could move it.

This was it, this was the spot I was supposed to be at. I smiled and started to brake. Now, my motorcycle is a street bike, a naked crotch rocket, so dirt is not it’s forte. But in this moment, on this day, I didn’t seem to care. I weaved my way down to the river valley through a series of footpaths and parked my motorcycle on the shore parallel with the rock. I took off my socks and shoes and walked out to the boulder.
And sat.

Jesus went to the woods, except in his culture and his geography it wasn’t called the woods, it was called the desert. In fact, “Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert” (Matt. 4:1). It was here that Jesus was tempted by Satan – but before the temptation came forty days of fasting and forty days of wandering. Why the desert? And why for so long?

Henri Nouwen in his book The Way of the Heart says, “Solitude is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude we remain victims to our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self.” The Spirit speaks in the solitude, the Spirit refreshes in the solitude, the Spirit searches our souls in the solitude.

Think about the average American’s day. It is 8-10 hours of work, at least an hour of commute time and three hours of television at night. Is there silence anywhere in this? If God is in the ‘gentle whisper’ then isn’t it possible that we can drown him out with other noises? It doesn’t take much to cover a whisper – a radio or a television work just fine. Sometimes it doesn’t even need to be noise that covers the whisper, sometimes it could be as simple as an argument, or a task that needs to be performed. In the desert there are few distractions. There is nothing to do but survive and listen.

This is why the Spirit calls us to the desert.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who had headphones on? What was it like? In order to communicate with them you need to yell – that is, until they take the headphones off. Being called to the desert is like taking the headphones off.

There I was, sitting on a random boulder in a random spot. No one in the world knew I was there. I listened to the rushing water flowing on every side of me. I examined the rocks around me and tried to picture where each one came from. I lit up my pipe and started to relax.

5 minutes passed…
10 minutes passed…
15 minutes passed…

My body started to feel differently, my thoughts started to become clearer, and a new appreciation of where my life was at started to settle in my soul. I heard a noise and looked up – it was a bird, a large bird, it circled above me like a hawk and then flew away.

Three hours later I was still sitting there when the voice, the same voice that I had heard in the morning returned. This time it said, “You need to come here more often – your soul needs it.” I nodded in agreement and walked back to my motorcycle.

The Spirit of God knows a person -- personally. Migliore writes, “The Spirit is the power that teaches us what is the mind of Christ, pours the love of God into our hearts…and motivates and equips us for discipleship and service.” In the postmodern context the actions of the Spirit are understood as more than a truth revealer and more than a Bible quoter. In addition to these the Spirit calls the believer to live a healthy life, both emotionally and physically. The Spirit cares for that which is its temple.

The Jewish Shema starts with, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.” (Deut. 6:5). Wouldn’t it make sense then, that the Spirit would care for all of these aspects of our life? If we are to love God with our heart, soul, and strength then we need to be in relationship with him in all three of these – otherwise love isn’t capable of existing. The Spirit facilitates this process. If we choose to listen, then the Spirit will guide us into relationship with him.

On this particular sunny Thursday morning I chose to listen. I choose to react to the voice of the Spirit. This is rare. This doesn’t happen near enough, and when I choose to ignore it something tells me that I am ignoring it. My body, or those I am in relationship with usually let me know that I’m ignoring the Spirit. They may not say it directly, but their words and their actions let me know that either my heart, soul, or strength is out of step with the Spirit’s voice. This is when I have to step back and remove the headphones or get to the woods. This is why the Spirit was telling me that I need to get to the woods more often. He knew I was ignoring him for so long, and he knew what I needed to hear in order to care for myself. After all, I’m “after the path of life – and only he knows it.”

Ash Wednesday

2005-02-10T09:30:00.000-08:00

It is the day after Ash Wednesday and the Church has entered its season of preparation for Resurrection Sunday. Growing up Protestant I never partook in the tradition of Ash Wednesday. I always knew about it, but mainly because my friends couldn't eat chocolate or soda and they couldn't eat the pepperoni on 'pizza day' in the high school cafeteria (something i never minded because they would always give them to me).

Last night Brooke and I went to Seattle Vineyard where our good friend Nate Worden spoke the homily. The evening was beautiful, we entered in silence read Psalms of Lament and Poems from Saints and sat in silence. Nate then walked us trough Psalm 51 -- a Psalm that 'comes full circle.' David is crying out to God "Please have mercy on me" at the beginning and then by the end is exclaiming how good God is and that God loves him, and that God is a God of the Resurrection and not a God of death. Tears flowed freely as the ashes were distributed. I was beautifully reminded how desperately I need God and how my only real hope is that Jesus came to show us the best way of life possible.

Thank You Seattle Vineyard for honoring such a beautifully awful tradition.

a more humble person then I was yesterday
joel

tickets

2005-02-07T10:57:00.000-08:00

there is this band, this amazing band that has revolutionized pop music and the image of the 'rock star.' This band stands and fights for the widow and the foreigner and for peace. this band is coming to my home town on April 24th. this band sells out venues in 1-2 minutes. this band is U2 - and i have tickets to go see them in concert. this will be a holy moment in my life, especially if they play the song 'one.' i can't wait.

peace
joel

can we make it?

2005-02-07T08:55:00.000-08:00

can we make it another four years? can this country's poor people survive? or will the rich continue to get richer and the poor get poorer? will we continue to cut benefits and finances from education and medicare so that we can have more guns? as Bush so eloquently put it "It's a budget that reflects priorities" to read about it click here.

I call for a reformation. We need a president who knows how to love. (the funny thing is, supposedly he's a Christian). If he's a Christian then I am not -- because apparently I don't serve the same God he does.

peace
Joel

birthday events

2005-02-04T15:45:00.000-08:00

well it is my 24th birthday today. brooke keeps on telling me that I'm in my mid 20's now and not my early 20's. She says it sounds older to her. either way today is the day that i get to celebrate the fact that I am alive. I get to sulk in how the world is different because I am alive. and I get to look forward to another year with the yearning question of, "what exciting and horrific things will the next year bring?" I know my 23rd year of life brought some incredibly awesome moments and some incredibly hard moments, so I can only anticipate much of the same to come. Brooke and I are now home owners, we are now members of a home church that we helped start, i voted in my first presidential election, i learned a lot that i wish i didn't know, i learned a lot that i'm glad i know. and yet, i sit here longing in anticipation for the next year. who knows where life will bring me? who knows where i will be febraury 4, 2006. I may not be alive. I may have cancer. I may be in perfect health. Heck, if modern medicine doesn't work i could even be a father.

well switching gears a little to current events. I recently purchased this weeks time magazine because the cover article was "The 25 most influential Evangelicals in America." If you want to read the article click here. I was grossly disappointed with it, but maybe you won't be.

oh, and after i published my last rant about freedom i went home and realized that as I was typing President Bush was talking about expanding freedom...or does he mean 'freedom.' either way it certainly was strange.

peace
joel

freedom and death and life and salvation and love

2005-02-02T18:51:00.000-08:00

Today four of my friends, and myself got together to study. We are currently studying the word 'arrogance.' It is hard to say exactly what we are studying about arrogance because we are all over. Trapper is studying it in context of politics and holistic living. Nate is studying it in context of Zen and the Mystics. Tim is doing in idealology study. And Jon is doing a study of Jesus' life and how he spoke to arrogance in culture. As for me, I'm studying the reformation -- or was, or am going to. Or something. But anyway, today we took a slight detour from arrogance and talked around the question of, What is God's definition of freedom?

It is hard to say what conclusive answer we came to, but for the sake of clearning up my own thoughts i'm going to purge my brain into my fingers and type my thoughts.

I am an American, I am a white male American. If there is one 'category' of people in the world that have the most 'freedom' it is the white male American. I've never had to worry about being oppressed, in fact i've been so free from oppression that i've (when I say 'I' I am speaking from a white male American) created a phrase called 'reverse discrimination.' When I haven't had things go my way I've sued, because I can, because damnit I'm a white male American and have been the most powerful category in humanity for the last 50 years and damnit the moment someone gets noticed I'm going to sue to get noticed back. Not only do I want to be noticed but I want to exert my 'freedom' I am free to do what I want. switching gears.....

Yesterday I (now I am Joel, not a white male american...well, you know what i mean) walked into a 7-11 to get some fake energy before 3+ hours of Hebrew language class. I walked to the candy aisle and noticed that the candy aisle was huge, in fact it was so huge it was more than one aisle. Yup, thats right.

10 years ago we had butterfinger, snickers, 3 musketeers, milky way and pay days. Now we have almond snickers, snickers ice cream bar, crunchy snickers, carb control snickers, snickers made with milk from mars, snickers that can sing a song for you. I now have 'freedom' to choose what kind of snickers I want -- this is a new 'freedom' that I didn't have 10 years ago.

Now these two examples might be a little ridiculous but they prove a point (i think). the point, I think, they prove, is that I am not free. I am not free in the sense that God wants me to be. Take for example this:

What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! ¹⁶Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey–whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? ¹⁷But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. ¹⁸You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

-- Romans 6

set free from sin so that I can be a slave to righteousness? in other words I am free from sin so that I can be free for God. This freedom isn't my free will, this freedom isn't the ability to choose. This freedom is a freedom to be in bondage to God for the sake of his kingdom. This freedom is being free for God to know that when I die I have salvation and death is but a comma in a sentence of my life. This freedom is essentially dying to the fake freedom that I feel I have. Without this death I am in bondage to something other than God.

this freedom should free me from any fear of dying, from any fear of judgement, from any fear of shame because I am free from these things for God.

so what are your thoughts on freedom? I'm itching to find out because obviously my definition is in the process of being re-constructed.

peace
joel

Bad Drivers and God

2005-01-24T08:51:00.000-08:00

“We are all caught up in a book that is too big to read, but we can feel the pages turning.”

Do you ever write something down when it enters your brain and then go back and read it sometime later and get choked up? Do you ever read something that you wrote and ask yourself how those words got put in that order in your head?

It doesn’t make any sense! The quote above may not seem important, or maybe it does, but I don’t remember writing it. But for some reason at 11:13 on Saturday night I happened to find the notecard that I wrote this on – way back on September 14^th 2004. And for some reason or another it sent chills through my body. I was once again overwhelmed by the God I love and serve. It is in these moments that I know God is good and that he is in control. This quote couldn’t of returned at a better time.

This week was long, I do not know why it was long, it just was. Irritation, frustration, annoyance, and fear ruled me this week (maybe that’s why it was long…) I found myself watching my favorite TV show, the Simpson’s, and getting annoyed at the characters on the show. I’ve never been annoyed by Homer Simpson, in fact for a while in my life I compared myself to him. But suddenly I was annoyed with how immature he is.

Bad drivers are one thing when you are in a car, but it is a whole different story when you are on a motorcycle in pouring down rain and people are talking on their cell phones while switching into the lane that I currently occupy. A rush of emotions jolted through my system and not one of them was ‘good.’ Maybe justified, maybe not.

So what is this book that I was talking about? And what pages are turning? The answers to these questions I do not know (I have my speculations, but a speculation is like a cubic zircona – cheap and easily breakable), but what I do know is that God is not letting me see the next page. In fact, I’m not sure I know the next sentence. My life is like a kaleidoscope – a simple flick of the wrist and a scene appears that I didn’t know existed. Each scene is filled with magnificent colors and organized chaos. Except with this kaleidoscope I’m not the one doing the turning – God is. I love him for this and I hate him for this. I want more than anything to be able to plan my life. I want to be able to say to people when they ask (because everybody asks) “So what are you going to do with your life?” or “So what are you going to do once you graduate?” that I am going to do XXXX XXXXXX XXXXX. But in all reality, I have no clue. The only thing I have a clue about is that I have no clue. But I sure would like to know, it would make life a lot easier. It would save me a lot of wrestling. I could spend more energy on what each day requires of me. But wait a minute, I think I just had an epiphany – why am I trying to figure it out? Why does it even matter if I can answer such a silly question. Heck, I didn’t even know about mars hill graduate school 7 months before brooke and I moved out here. It is when I knew for sure what I was going to do that things changed. This is when I started to feel the breeze from the turning of the pages.

Wow, what a great epiphany. I’ll believe what I just typied for, oh, about 15 seconds and then I will go and try to take control of my life. My whole life is a power struggle with God. But it is because I can feel the breeze from the pages that I keep coming back.

“We are all caught up in a book that is too big to read, but we can feel the pages turning.”

A tired, but hopeful
joel

I walk this journey

2005-01-18T13:01:00.000-08:00

There are days that I feel as though I have done harm to evil, and there are days where I feel evil has done harm to me. Sometimes, well, most of the time, it is an interplay of both. So maybe I should say...sometimes there are moments that I feel I have done harm to evil and sometimes there are moments that evil has done harm to me. Would it make sense then that the more harm I do to evil the more harm it will do to me? Or is it like a video game and the more I punch at it the weaker and weaker it gets until it explodes and I can advance to the next level? Either way, damn evil. How can anybody 'get off' causing pain and anquish to humanity? It's sick and perverted. I wish evil would die.

I long for heaven.

shalom,
Joel

Zen and Love

2005-01-14T13:12:00.000-08:00

Well it has been over a month since I have blogged last, its hard to believe but at the same time a ton has happened in the last month, but instead of going into that (because it would take forever to type) I am going to continue hiking forward into the mess that is life.

The community that I am involved is recently decided to plant a home church and see what happens. I say recently, because it was only recently that we got the guts to listen to the Spirit's voice -- even though she had been whispering in our ears for quite some time. This SUnday (two days from now) is our first meeting. I'm scared and excited. I'm scared for my wife and I'm scared for our relationship (being scared isn't a bad thing, but it isn't necessarily a good thing). Brooke and I have had lengthy conversations about what a church could look like and they all seem to circle back to what a community would look like. We both long desperately to have a church community (is the adjective church really needed?) but we both know that a community that loves each other through celebration, tears, mourning, bloodshed, fights, and pain isn't what we have right now. Now don't get me wrong, I don't say that last sentence to say I don't like the community I'm involved in, in fact, I can't imagine my life without them. But I'm never satisfied, this side of Eden I think it is impossible to be satisfied with community. We try desperately, and sometimes even succeed, but in the midst of it we still 'miss' each other, we still piss each other off, we still murder and lust after each other. I want more, but I don't know if I know what more looks like. The deeper i fall in love with those I journey with the deeper I fall in love with God. What a great opportunity God has given us -- to love each other because he first loved us. Amen.

shalom,
joel

Teaching Forum - Pain, Suffering, Words of Hope

2004-12-04T15:56:00.000-08:00

Well this morning was my first, hopefully of many talks that I will be giving in my lifetime. I don't really know what to do with it because it didn't go well, and it didn't go bad, and it didn't go okay...it just went. after it was all said and done it was hard for me not to sabotage the feedback that people had given. i found myself saying things (in my head) like, "you aren't cut out for this, you are better in different situations then public speaking." and "why did you think you could do this." it was hard not to believe these lies that I was being fed (i've believed them for so long that it is hard to get over them in a day). but i was also able to recognize that they weren't from God, they didn't ring true in my heart. however, as i told brooke, i would have gladly dug my own grave and then filled the dirt in over my head, if it hadn't been for her. we went to Qdoba afterwards and talked through some of the comments. some of them were like:

-i would have liked it if you covered less material, it seemed as though you were trying hard to cover a lot of material in only 20 minutes
-there seemed to be this struggle of how to bring the analytical out of the mind and bring it to the heart. the crowd picked up on it. there were times where they sensed that i was in a 'board room' and other times when i was in a 'living room.'
-you didn't capture my heart right at the beginning, it wasn't until the end that you captured it.
-your words seemed comfortable and you could have played with tension better
-i loved how you brought science into your talk, but i would have liked more connection to the rhythm of our bodies with the science.

it was certainly hard to take those comments because, really, all i want to hear is, "great job Joel, i loved the talk, and you made me open my eyes to something i've never seen." but at the same time i want so desperately to be a phenomenal speaker, and this was my first talk. so what did i expect, i was hoping it would be incredible (it certainly would save a lot of hard work in the near and far future), but i really knew that it wasn't going to be.

the following are the key things i took away from my first talk
-tension: how can i better build it into a talk
-resolve: how can i better build it into a talk
-voice inflections -- i need to work on being less monotonous, and visibly show my passion more with my voice
-what does it look like to teach, but still be able to listen to the Spirit
-i've got a lot of work to do if i want to get better at this, and i do.

off to study 'hebs'

seattle in the winter

2004-11-29T12:57:00.000-08:00

Well my five day weekend is over and it was back to the ole work week this morning at 8 am. It was a good morning though. I had a meeting and got to dream about certain classes that I will someday take. I find it crazy to think that I have an input into a class that i will take sometime in the future. it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense on one level. i help design the class, then i pay lots of money to take the class that i helped design. but, i am grateful for the opportunity to interact and so speak about something that is put on my heart.

i ask myself almost everyday why I left engineering to pursue an M.Div. But in asking the question i don't beat myself up or get mad -- i just remind myself of why i am where i am. and the funny thing is that almost everytime i answer this question it is a different answer. i recently re-told the story of how brooke and i ended up in seattle. it was good to tell and it was even better to remember it. it certainly was a little crazy and a little foolish -- but we look back and still say, "it was meant to be and we had to listen."

however, there are certain times where i question this whole M.Div thing...one of those is right now -- is a sign off to go study hebrew.

peace and love
joel

Wednesday at Zokas

2004-11-24T14:40:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm relatively new to the whole world of blogging, but the way i approach it is that it is an on-line journal of my thoughts. Some of them will be intimate, others will be surfacey. I guess depending on how i feel that day.

Well today is my day off -- first of five. So after replacing a flat tire on our Mazda I settled into my favorite coffee shop. An organic free trade local roaster called Zoka. Living in the land of Starbucks it is always fun to support the local competition -- plus their coffee is loads better.

It feels so good to have a day off. I'm so tired and so worn out. This weekend really took it out of me, and i'm still trying to recover. maybe watching the lions on tv tomorrow will help with that. this weekend was prospective student weekend at school and i played in intricate role in a worship service that we had at a local church. the evening was incredible. myself, tim soerens, tom rasmussen, and kendall bergman crafted an evening about 'story' specifically the mars hill graduate school story. My school has gone through hell and incredible joy, so we wanted to honor this history and invited story tellers that have lived through and experienced both sides of this to tell their story. it was so sacred and some of the stories were so hard to listen to and for the story teller to tell. tears were shed on the behalf of sin and celebration. the night was capped with communion. one of my sojourners, tim soerens, invited the group to celebrate communion in a way that is 'different' from tradition. It went something like this. On the tables were bottles of wine (7 people sat around a table) and on stations around the room were loaves of bread. Tim encouraged people to go break off a piece of bread and to give it to someone. But before they could give it they were asked to speak words of reconciliation, encouragement, or thanks. it was incredible how this time unfolded. every emotion that exists was present. tears, claps, cheers, and solitude were present in the room. after about 10 minutes of this we poured the wine and toasted to salvation. it was glorious. i have been blessed by many people's words since then, both of thanks and of 'what the hell was that?" It's been a struggle to let it be and to trust God in it. my tendancy is to encourage people to have fun and enjoy it, thus taking them out of the hard place that they may be in. i'm slowly learning that that isn't my role -- it doesn't honor them and is self-serving for my benefit because i can't stand seeing them in a hard place.

so needless to say i'm tired. i'm longing for rest and the mountains. my soul needs them, my soul longs for the solitude of snow capped peaks and the smell of evergreens. soon, so very soon i hope to get to the woods. i need it so badly, i need to watch my four legged son frolic in glacier streams and to hold my wives hand as we ascend up a mountain. is it too scary to say that i smell God in the woods and that he speaks to me more clearly there? well if it is, then oh well -- cuz i do. I think God made a mistake and allowed me to live my first 22 years in the midwest. or maybe he knew what he was doing all along and now i have even more of an apprecation for the mountains.

well i will sign off for now. if you want to read an incredible article go here.

and go buy the new U2 CD -- its incredible.

peace
joel

First post on new blog site

2004-11-24T14:00:00.000-08:00

welcome to whoever you are. welcome to my new site. i hope to blog more often so feel free to comment in return, no matter who you are or where you are.

peace
joel